Friday, August 31, 2007
Let's just say that Doodle wouldn't be bummed if I replaced her with Yume Neko Smile Cat so she can go outside and kill stuff.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Thankfully, I was too preoccupied with success last night to watch failure: Bosox lost again last night to the nauseating as hell, stupid freakin' Yankees. I didn't need a sweep. What I need is them to be knocked out, crossed out, smoted, if you will, from wildcard eligibility. Anyhow, I plan to "watch" today's game at 1:05 from the safe distance of my computer screen and/or clock radio.
In other news, just ate an entire bag of maple beef jerky.
Brandy Barber, Anne Altman, Mortified Producers NYC
with Dave Nadelberg, Mortified Creator and handsome devil
8/29 Cast: Anne Altman, Nate Sloan, Angel Yau, Rebecca Ciletti, Dave Nadelberg, Nichelle Stephens, Jenn Hyjack, Emlyn Morinelli, Law Tarello
Backstage at Mo's
Emlyn, Law, Nate, Jenn (l-r)
How spectacular was Mortified's show at Mo Pitkin's last night? Well, if the laugh-0-meter inside was accurate, I'd say pretty damn spectacular. I apologize to the peeps who weren't able to get in (there was a long line of long faces outside the club and minor pandemonium at the door which could have escalated into a 1979 Who-style crowd trampling) but...How many times did I tell you kids to buy tickets in advance?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Then I'm totally fine with dying now.
Go ahead. Right between the eyes, please. I don't need the folder that bad.
Jack's 99 Cent Store, 39th Street, NYC
August 28, 2007
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Listening to the post-game wrap-up here in NYC was almost as disgusting as maggots in a steak sandwich, let me tell you.
Shoulda ordered the veal.
"I'm not gay. I did nothing wrong." I hate how these dudes are so adamant about disassociating themselves with being gay. What's wrong with being gay? Let's say he wasn't gay, and he's soliciting broads for sex in a ladies' room, that would be ok?
And yet Craig's association with Mitt Romney is ok? ROMNEY? You did something wrong, alright, Senator. Talk about gross.
Monday, August 27, 2007
That's right, folks, tomorrow I'll be at my second BLOHARDS (Benevolent Loyal Order of Honorable and Ancient Red Sox Diehard Sufferers of New York) Luncheon at the Yale Club, and this time I'm not going back to work with my sauce on like last time. Tonight, I'll make sure my camera battery is juiced; I want a photo with my honey Joe Castiglione! I hope he sits at my table...err, that I'm sitting at his, rather...
Seven and a half games ahead of the Yanks! GO SOX.
Mortified is a starred Time Out New York pick and will be mentioned in Flavorpill tomorrow, so if you're planning on seeing the show this Wednesday, don't wait; you may lose out to people who read stuff and buy stuff in advance and whatnot.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
As I made my way through the refrigerated aisle to the cashier with my Mike's Hard Lemonade (Why? I don't know, just something I thought I needed) I caught the eye of a very unremarkable woman who lives in my building, mid-40's, who had just cut away from disapproving up/down glances at the above-mentioned girl. She said to me with disgust, "Interesting..."
"Indeed!" said I.
This is NYC. It's supposed to be interesting. Why are you living in this town if you don't like interesting? Get thy ass to Schaumburg, Illinois, Ms. Unremarkable.
Tuffy: African male, born 1984Tuffy has lived most of his life in a circus. He was maturing and becoming a bit of a handful so his owners wisely chose to give him an early retirement where he can be part of a herd of African elephants. Tuffy has no tusks and likes to "blow raspberries" with his mouth to get people's attention.
An elephant after my own heart!
Adopt your own elephant today for just $100 a year, $50 for six months or $35 for 3 months.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
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Pissy pants aside, I'm not sure if a guy with a dink this big suffers from a lack of confidence.
Traditional Pisces Traits:
Imaginative and sensitive
Compassionate and kind
Selfless and unworldly
Intuitive and sympathetic
On the dark side....
Escapist and idealistic
Secretive and vague
Weak-willed and easily led
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Let's say you're of Italian descent--or not--and you plan on giving your wife the "Italian Blast" when you get home from work. Well, you'd better warn her; there's a lot of lettuce on this bad boy, and that's a lot of fiber. Could make for a completely unnecessary noisy blast, if you know what I mean.
She just has superpower eyes is all. Sure, Doodle's all wimpy-ass Beta when it comes to other cats, but when it comes to dogs, she's Alpha All the Way. Dogs are terrified of her. Specifically beagles and corgies*. These are pictures of Doodle and Morgie's first and second introduction in and around the barn. Needless to say, it didn't go well. For Morgie, that is. Poor thing just wanted to play. And Doodle told him to go fuck himself. Click on the photos for extra Morgie Mortification.
*Vick-trained pitbulls would eat her whatevs, no probs, most def.
3 33.33% sheree zampino on ex-wives club
2 22.22% 2007 pregnancy photos
1 11.11% erect nipples
1 11.11% can i get a margarita in camden yards?
1 11.11% two can anne
1 11.11% ring around the collar
Can I ever stop blushing? Can a person get a goddamned maragarita in Camden Yards for chrissakes??? Mom? Dad? Have you keeled over from pride yet? Is the will intact? Mom? Dad? Hello? Geez. Hope so.
Dogs in Northeastern Vermont, August 2007
And don't worry, nothing cruel or unusual will happen to the dogs who don't win. All woofies are winners at Two Can Anne.
* Please note: #C is techincally a North Shore of Boston Dog (note the sea in the background), but I took the photo while on on the last leg of my Vermont Vacation, so whomever has a problem with this technicality can just suck it.