Tuesday, September 30, 2008
"Give it Up" by Lee Dorsey and the Meters, 1969
Written, arranged and produced by Allen Toussaint.
- Throw your camera into the ocean.
- Donate half of your laundry to the laundromat.
- Cancel HBO (make sure you watch it tonight as you investigate cancellation)
- Cancel your gym membership (this involves a certified letter)
Hi, it's Anne calling. Remember, I called you yesterday about my missing laundry?
Yea, uh, we no have it.
Hmm. Yes, do you know who does? You said you were going to call the factory?
Yes, I call and they no have it. We give to you.
No, I don't have it. Half is missing. I sent you two bathmats and received no bathmats. I got out of the shower today to no bathmat. My fitted sheets are missing. How much did you charge me?
22 pounds....$22 dollars. You give us 22 pounds, we give you 22 pounds back.
Look, I don't care what the scale says--my bathmats and my flat sheets are missing. And probably half a dozen towels, I really don't know...You can't find them? How do I get my money back?
We no have we give you.
*sigh* Ok. Can you call the factory again and ask them? Because I can assure you that a few days ago I had two dirty bathmats and two fitted sheets and now I have neither. So, I gave you $22 and now I'm out $200? See?
Do you want to call me or should I call you?
...to be continued...
"Crackers. Crackers got it made! Crackers all over the internet, and I still get the pussy. My pistols loaded, yo. Crackers. CRACKERS!"
I thought to myself, "Wish this cracker had it made."
Greenberg stared straight ahead, motionless like a beetle or a turtle or one of those animals that plays dead to avoid being stabbed with a shank on the subway. I muttered at Greenberg's and my reflection in the window across aisle, "I think he's talking to you."
Greenberg did look especially crackery that day with his stupid briefcase and terrible canary yellow short sleeved golf shirt, but other than looking like an asshole, he didn't do anything to my knowledge to deserve such a tirade. So there we sat, Greenberg still as stone--and I wondering how the hell I'd defend myself, as Greenberg clearly wasn't going to be helping me out any--while Mr. Angry went ballistic, walking and talking, occasionally accentuating his prose with in-your-face gestures.
"WHY DON'T YOU SUCK MY DICK?" he asked Greenberg.
More babbling about crackers, the internet, pussy, and pistols. Suddenly we arrived at 23rd Street, which was one stop from where we got on, and Greenberg's stop. Mr. Angry made his way to the doors. Greenberg definitely wasn't going to get off here, I thought to myself.
The doors opened, and Mr. Angry shouted, "HAVE A NICE DAY!" at Greenberg. And right before the doors closed behind him, got in another, "SUCK MY DICK!"
The doors closed. Everyone on the train breathed an inaudible but palpable sigh of relief.
"That was my stop!" Greenberg exclaimed.
"I know," I reassured him.
"What was that guy's problem?"
"I think he wanted you to suck his dick."
The train laughed. Greenberg added, "Nothing to worry about, everyone--just an old roommate of mine."
More laughter. A woman sitting across from us chimed in, "Did you stick him with the rent?"
I got off with Greenberg at the next stop (a stop earlier than my own) and walked with him a few avenues to settle him down. He was a big target with that stupid yellow golf shirt on, afterall. Crackers.
- You dump your camera into the sea. Brava, Anne!
- A bottle of water stashed in your purse isn't fully closed, so now you have a purse full of water! Hilarious!
- You have your laundry picked up by the wash and fold laundry place, saving you precious time. But only half is returned to you, and they can't locate the rest. So, you say all my flat sheets and pillow cases, and both of my bath mats are missing? Cute!
- At least nobody's wiped a booger on my sleeve today. That was yesterday.
By Tarell Alvin McCraney
Directed by Tina Landau
with Daniel T. Booth, Joshua Cruz, Glenn Davis, Sean Patrick Doyle,
McKenzie Frye, Nathan Lee Graham, Angela Grovey, Andre Holland,
Rebecca Naomi Jones, Erik King, Clifton Oliver
Scenic Design: James Schuette Costume Design: Toni-Leslie James
Lighting Design: Peter Kaczorowski Sound Design: Robert Kaplowitz
Hair, Wig, and Make-up Design: Wendy Parson Production Stage Manager: Barbara Reo
General Manager: Reed Ridgley Press Representative: Sam Rudy
WIG OUT! explosively brings to life the fierce, competitive world of the drag ball. Intoxicate yourself with this rare glimpse into an unforgettable struggle for power, sexual conquest and glory by acclaimed playwright Tarell Alvin McCraney (THE BROTHERS SIZE). The New York Times raves that McCraney delivers "that thrilling sound that is one of the main reasons we go to the theatre, that beautiful music of a new voice!" Directed by Tina Landau, with a brilliant cast led by Erik King (“Dexter”), Nathan Lee Graham (THE WILD PARTY, “The Comeback”), Rebecca Naomi Jones (PASSING STRANGE), and Daniel T. Booth (a.k.a. downtown drag star Sweetie, “Project Runway”), WIG OUT! is a play you do not want to miss!
Hair, Wig and Make-up design? I'm in! Can't wait.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
"The fly is as deadly as a bomber!! WPA Poster Beware the fly. This poster for the Philadelphia Department of Health warns of the potential health risks from exposure to flies: 'The fly is as deadly as a bomber!!' The poster was illustrated by Robert Muchley some time between 1941 and 1943 as part of the WPA War Services Project."
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
6 cups canned kidney beans, drained
2 cups water
3 tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
4 teaspoons prepared mustard
1 pinch cayenne pepper, or to taste
3 tablespoons soy sauce
4 cups cooked and mashed sweet potatoes
12 (10 inch) flour tortillas, warmed
8 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Heat oil in a medium skillet, and saute onion and garlic until soft. Stir in beans, and mash. Gradually stir in water, and heat until warm. Remove from heat, and stir in the chili powder, cumin, mustard, cayenne pepper and soy sauce.
Divide bean mixture and mashed sweet potatoes evenly between the warm flour tortillas. Top with cheese. Fold up tortillas burrito style, and place on a baking sheet.
Bake for 12 minutes in the preheated oven, and serve.
submitted by karena @ allrecipes.com, photo by allrecipes.com
Photo Phun Phact: The little old lady second from the right is my great, great grandmother who immigrated from Ireland in the early 1900's via Ellis Island. Ellen O'Leary Finn 1880-1982
Wakefield, MA ~ 1970's
Photo Phun Phact: The little blue pitcher on the corner of the picnic table is how the large Altman family would butter their corn rapidly and thoroughly. Directions: Put a stick of butter in a pitcher. Boil water, pour boiling water into pitcher. Butter will melt and rise to the top. Take bare ear of corn, dip into the water. On its way out it gets coated with butter and is ready for salting. You're welcome.
Olean, New York ~ 1970's
Thank you, whipcreamy.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Let's say your president, whom you didn't vote for twice has swiftly and expertly ruined your country in 8 years--unfortunately while you're alive to see it all crash down around you--and you're eating powdered soup for lunch and canned soup for dinner. What's a delicious accoutrement that is low in fat, but high in protein, texture, and flavor that you can enjoy while huge hired men toss you and all of your shit out of your house and onto the street?
1 medium Leek
1 medium Vidalia or other sweet onion
1/2 cup Canned artichoke hearts; drained
1/2 cup Frozen chopped spinach; thawed
1 pound Brie or cream cheese
2 tablespoons Minced garlic
2 tablespoons Olive oil
1/4 cup Riesling or other medium-dry wine
2/3 cup Heavy cream
3 tablespoons Finely chopped fresh parsley
2 tablespoons Finely chopped fresh dill
1 pound Fresh jumbo lump crab meat or substitute 2 cans canned clams if you're into clams
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon / tablespoon hot sauce; or to taste
Toasted thin baguette slices
Preheat oven to 425° F and lightly oil an 11-inch gratin or other shallow baking dish (about 6 cups).
Trim and finely chop leek. In a large bowl of water wash leek well and lift from water into a large sieve to drain. Finely chop onion. Rinse and finely chop artichoke hearts. Squeeze dry and finely chop spinach. Discard rind from Brie and cut into 1/4-inch pieces. Or if using cream cheese, cube.
In a heavy skillet cook leek, onion and garlic in oil over moderate heat, stirring until pale golden; stir in artichoke hearts and spinach. Add wine and cook, stirring, three minutes. Add cream and simmer, stirring, 1 minute. Add cheese, stirring until it just begins to melt. Remove skillet from heat and stir herbs into mixture.
In a large bowl, combine clams, mustard, hot sauce, salt and pepper to taste. Stir in cheese mixture. Spread mixture evenly in baking dish and bake in middle of oven 15 to 20 minutes, or until golden. Serve dip hot with toasts.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I had a job in this building years ago. I can't remember how I got this one particular job, but my boss was a dead ringer for a Max Headroom / Cruella De Vil combo. You could smoke in offices back in those days; I don't think I ever saw her eat a single thing other than cigarettes and crappy coffee all day lizzong. Her breath smelled like a big fat cacadoody, as you can imagine.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
In the meantime, GO BOSOX!
What this means: The Bills have played 3 games and have won the last 3 of their 3 games.
Speechless? Thought so. If you can't dig it, feel free to suck it, kids.
This baby had a full head of hair in the "baby's first photo" hospital shot. He didn't have that newly born, smushed face, papoose body pipsqueak appearance whatsoever. In fact, he looked so mature that he totally could have figured out how to drive himself home from the hospital, let alone be belted into a car seat. For some reason, in the dream I was there to babysit, even though I don't know these people very well. I watched him in his little recliner bucket thing that babies sit in. All was well, until the open window excited him, so he pointed at it with a "WHAT'S THAT?" and not only got out of his seated position to approach it, but pushed me over to get to the window. It took all my strength to push back with a "Get the fuck out of here!" so he wouldn't fling himself out onto the street. Friggin' huge baby, get back in your chair thing, settle down and act like a goddamn baby for cryin' out loud!
Two days later I still can't shake that nightmare. Good grief. Better not see any big babies today.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I can has cookie?
I can has cookie.
What I got for lunch:
What I wanted:
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
*Husband: Handsome, smart, charming, fertile, wealthy, often away on business
**House: Friggin' nice, all hooked up with wicked nice shit including a trampoline
And finally, AIG's offices on Water Street. The Brinks truck is there obviously to abscond with whatever's left of the dump: the vending machines. Seriously, dude, I know they were crammed with Munchos. I love a vending machine with Munchos:
"I hear your company is insolvent, you're about to lose your job, and you want to kill yourself. Any comments?"
Lower Manhattan, Wednesday, 9/16/08