Willie Nelson is Sweet

And so is his new Country Peach Cobbler collaboration with Ben & Jerry's. Delicious. Willie's proceeds benefit Farm Aid because he's a seriously decent dude. Read more about the man and the ice cream in his honor here. Willie rocks.

Enjoy a Nice Slice of Kosher Ham This Hanukkah

For a limited time only, so hop to it, chosen peeps!

Words Which Describe Mortified's Dec 13 Ticket Sales

Tickets are selling

• briskly
• speedily
• quickly
• swiftly
• not slowly
• wicked fast
• out

If you want to see MORTIFIED at NYC's Tank Theater in TriBeCa on December 13, don't wait!

www.getmortified.com

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLMMVMVMV

"I love you too, honey. Here's to me slicing your beanbag off tonight with a box cutter. Cheers!"

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCVMVVMLCM

"Smell the flowers, my bride. I SAID SMELL 'EM, GODDAMN IT!"

Make Sure You Do It Up Fancy For Your Last Supper

With a last supper scalloped lace tablecloth. Mmm. Scalloped. Jesus loves scallops.

And apparently, He's also a big fan of salad:

Dollar Store, Beverly, MA

10/07

'Tis True

I find people who are always right particularly endearing and fun to be around.

The Skyscraper Museum

Skyscrapers don't particularly interest me, since I'm not a huge fan of engineering or heights, for that matter. However, the current exhibit at the Skyscraper Museum in Battery Park City--New York Modern: Future City: 20/21 looks fascinating. It focuses on history and old timey time engineers' visions of NYC's future. That is cool.



Check out Moses King's "Dream of New York" from 1911-1912. The tall building with the clock tower is the old Singer building on Broadway between Liberty and Cortlandt Street (razed in early 1960's) and the sight of present day 1 Liberty Plaza where I go to work everyday. Mr. King's vision is a little off. Though I wish we did have crazy-ass zeppelins flying by the windows all day. Exciting!



And William R. Leigh's "Great City of the Future," from Cosmopolitan, November,1908 paints another wild design. I'm no engineer, but those masonry high-rises appear to be structurally impossible. And imposing! But how about that amazing web of bridges connecting all the shiznit?

FUTURE CITY: 20/21

New York Modern

October 2007-April 2008

The Skyscraper Museum.

See you there.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLCMMVMV

Something old, something new, something furry, something blue...and something infected.

Anne-urysm

A paper cut won't ruin your life. But there's a good chance it will ruin your day.

Lord Knows I've Been Busy Lately, Why Don't You?

3 Things on my Mind This Very Minute

1. I'm taking those freakin' boots out of my shoe rotation and getting them the fuck out of my apartment already, because no, they're not comfortable, they're terrible, despite just how unstylish they are.
2. Yes, I'm going to finish this Party Mix. I bought it, didn't I? And I opened it in a stupid way so that I can't close the bag, and for cryin' out loud, there's sweet popcorn clumps of goodness mixed in with these Cheetos and Doritos and preztels, oh my!
3. Isn't there a new epsiode of Tila Tequila on tonight?

OMG That's Mortifiying!

Remember when you had a crush on that girl in band and she confided in you that she had a crush on someone else? Remember when your face was full of zits and your Capezios were grey? Remember when you were planning on going to Marci Freedman's Sweet Sixteen that all the cool kids were invited to but you, like an idiot, didn't take out the trash like your folks had asked you to a thousand times and so you were GROUNDED and couldn't go? For cryin' out loud the invitation was a freakin' 45 record!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!

My point? You sucked. Sucked! Prove you don't suck anymore by being a part of a cultural phenomenon! Be a part of a sold out show! Come see Mortified on Dec 13 and laugh your ass off. And the best part is, you don't have to re-live Junior High for realsies, just live vicariously through others' pain and shame. Yay! Show sells out--pre-order so you don't feel like a jerk.

Mortified

Thursday, December 13, 2007 ~8 p.m.

Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman.


Presale tickets: $10 (Day of show $12) Buy tickets here!

www.getmortified.com

The Tank

279 Church Street

New York, NY 10013

(Btn Franklin and White)

Let it Snow, Yo

Punkins

NYC, 11/9/07

Kiss My Fat Friday

It's a Doodle-y Type of Day, Ain't It?

Doodle, 8/07

Stop Your Bitching and I Mean Me

I Love the 1700's!

• the average child had a roughly 50% chance of surviving to adulthood


• slavery was legal in all 13 colonies


• all cooking was done in or around the fireplace


• women could not vote, hold public office and unless widowed, own property in most colonies


• travel was slow and uncertain; by water, ships relied upon the wind for locomotion; by land, a rider on horseback might hope to cover 30 miles in a day, a passenger in a coach, just 20


• aside from sunlight, the sole source of heat was fire, usually in an open fireplace; after sunset, illumination was either by moonlight or candlelight


• there was no indoor plumbing: the flush toilet, the bathroom and the kitchen faucet are 19th century innovations--chamber post, outhouses and buckets were a way of life


• privacy was a rare privilege for most: people, including children at home and strangers at inns, routinely shared beds


• aside from a minority of city dwellers, almost everybody was a farmer


• there was no anesthesia for surgery or childbirth


• every household produced some, and in many cases all, of the candles, soap, foodstuffs and clothing it required


• the medieval notion of the four humors still dominated medical theory, so bloodletting and purging were employed to restore the balance of black and yellow bile, blood and phlegm, and thus, presumably, good health

*From December 07's Smithsonian Magazine I "borrowed" from my doctor's office

Mice Which Would Bore Doodle Cat

But I think are neat!

How about this one for me?

Or this one for the perv in your life.

And many more, from pat-says-now. Check it.

I'm Working on a New Song, Folks

To the meow, to the meow.
To the meow, to the meow.
Mmmmm
To the meow, to the meow.
Everything you own in the box to the meow.

To the meow, to the meow.
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable?

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact, she'll be here in a minute...

All I'm Sayin' Is

That I'd like to be a "motivational speaker type person" who is really just an average type person who becomes a millionaire type person by profiting off of other peoples' insecurities and whatnot and rarely, if ever, takes their own crappy advice and shit.

Like this guy, Joel Osteen? You just know he's a douche.

I want to be him.