Tuesday, January 18, 2011

3 Days of Winter as Witnessed from a Conference Room in Paradise

Lower Manhattan Facing South ~ January  7, 2011


Lower Manhattan Facing South ~ January  10, 2011


Lower Manhattan Facing South ~ January 18, 2011


Visible points of interest (particularly in photo #2): Lower Manhattan, entrance to the Brooklyn Battery TunnelStaten Island Ferry, Ellis Island

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Friday, January 07, 2011

If You Like Pretty Pictures

Then you'll like my friend John-Paul. He takes beautiful pictures. Of people, places, things. Name a noun, and he can take a beautiful picture of it. For example, here's a series of shots he took of gnocchi recently. Anyone who can make a lump of potato dough look beautiful is seriously talented. Wonder if I should have him take my picture. Ark ark ark. Get it? I made a joke about myself resembling a lump of potato dough. I'm also seriously talented.

IMMUNIZE YOUR BABIES!

If for some reason you're still unsure about vaccinations because an idiot in Hollywood did an excellent job of promoting seriously dangerous fraudulent information from some quack, let me and The New York Times tell you the truth: There is no link between autism and MMR vaccines. Immunize your babies! Vaccinations are at an all time low and the highly contagious and lethal virus of measles is at an all time high because of this jerk. You're protecting not just your child, but the world's children when you immunize them against disease. We are the world, we are the children. Right?

Thursday, January 06, 2011

G.L.O.C.'s Typing With One Hand: Anne Altman

It takes a gorgeous lady of comedy to know one, and Glennis McMurray knows plenty.
She's just launched a brand-new blog called just that--G.L.O.C: Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy which celebrates and profiles funny women. I was flattered when she thought of me, of course (someone who had a baby almost ten months ago and still lives in Spanx), and I was more than happy to oblige her with answers to her questions about comedy--and life--after motherhood! Does it exist? This is to be determined. Read the G.L.O.C. interview with me here. And when you're done, check out details for Glennis's solo show, "DISCO BALLS: INTO THE LIGHT--the quest to be fabulousballs" which debuts this month as part of the Charleston Comedy Festival. I haven't seen previews of the show and I'm so square I wouldn't know fabulousballs if they hit me in the face, but i think it's clear that the gorgeous Ms. McMurray has achieved her quest already!
photo by ari scott

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Happy 2011!

May this new year bring positive change for everyone. Is something in your life annoying you? Maybe a big thing like your husband? Or a small thing like the paint job in your bathroom? Perhaps this is the year to fix it. Life is short indeed. We should try to improve the tangibles--or at least our outlook--so we can enjoy it more, right? Carpe diem! 100 years goes by in a blip! And four years? Forget about it. Remember when I said 2007 was going to be my year? I don't think it was. Or maybe it was? 2010 was pretty good. What year is it again? Where are we? What's going on? Does anyone love the Bee Gees like I do? I just saw their CD downstairs for sale at Starbucks. Price reduced to $9.99 from $12.99. I tell you what, if I had $9.99 left on the gift card my mother gave me for Christmas after the sandwich I bought with it, I might have "carpe diem-ed" in the form of a new Bee Gees CD. But I do have a ton of crap in the apartment cluttering my life, so perhaps it's best I didn't. Gosh. 2011 is starting out so complicated. Happy New Year, everyone.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Look Familiar?


"Christmas Day 1984. Or Recovery Day, after last night's big Christmas Eve dinner with my sister and her kids (well, the youngest was 19) and presents. Now it's time to relax, at least for my father and brother. Mother's probably in the kitchen preparing a dinner of yummy leftovers; this year it was prime rib. Meanwhile, there are various goodies to munch and otherwise imbibe on. I've got seasonal music playing on my system down at the other end of the room. Knowing me, it's The Nutcracker. Despite the modern lights, our tree is full of vintage ornaments, some dating back to my mother's childhood. There are also my home-made Peanuts ornaments I'd done over 20 years before. I also see that Mother still hadn't given up on African violets; as a special Christmas offering, they even seem to be blooming. Available light Kodacolor 1000 negative. View full size." From shorpy.com submitted by TTerrace.

Doodle's Tenth Christmas, John's First

Doodle and John, NYC ~ December 12, 2010

John actively noticed his furry big sister a couple months ago, and when she'd slink into his line of vision, he'd smile with a "Heh," and then she'd run away. Now he tries to get to the cat by semi-crawling (pulling himself military-style) across the floor. Doodle of course is 1000 times faster than John is on his best day, often sprinting out of sight before he even knows what happened. She's not exactly terrified of the baby like she is of the balance ball--because she still joins us all on the sofa or bed looking for affection--she's just smart enough to know he can't be trusted, and things are going to get a lot uglier when he can walk. I placed the step ladder up against the wall unit so that she has her very own sleeping perch high above the loud, sticky, flailing miniature person and she loves it. Soon enough she'll be living up there, descending only to eat and use the litter box. Which reminds me of another matter yet to unfold: the day John discovers the litter box. That will be an exciting day for all. (Are you also picturing turds flung about, fur flying, and Mommy crying?) 

So This is Christmas?

John, NYC ~ December 17, 2010



Monday, December 20, 2010

You're Gonna Die Probably

Oh, poison? In your tap water? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Probably. Probably poison in your tap water. 

Friday, December 10, 2010

Hot Stuff
























(At left): John as The Heat Miser, NYC ~ December 9, 2010. (At right): Mr. Heat Miser as Himself, South Town ~ December 24, 1920's - Rankin/Bass' The Year Without a Santa Claus, 1974

Monday, December 06, 2010

John Presents: This is Barf

John, NYC ~ Sunday, December 4, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

John Will Teach You How to Eat a Banana

John, NYC ~ November 28, 2010

John feeding himself a banana for the first time.

It helps if you have fat, pudgy meathooks with which to hold the banana, apparently.  

You've come a long way, baby!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

elf You! elf Me!


I didn't know I needed a little Christmas, right this very minute, until this weekend, when I had the pleasure of seeing elf, a brand new Christmas musical on Broadway. I'm generally skeptical of books made into movies or movies made into Broadway shows or candy made into gum (have you ever tasted Razzles? Don't. They're horrible), and considering it is most people's opinion that Will Ferrell "makes" the 2003 motion picture Elf, how could another elf compete? But elf The Musical succeeds.

If you haven't seen the movie Elf, and don't mind a spoiler of the Broadway story, here's a synopsis. Buddy, an orphaned infant, is found by Santa in his pack after a round of delivering gifts around the globe one Christmas. Santa and his elves raise Baby Buddy in Christmastown as their own, and Buddy knows no other life despite the fact that he's terrible at making toys and three times the size of his "brethren." One day they mistakenly spill the beans in front of Buddy, and Santa has to come clean. Buddy finds out that he's not an elf, but an unbeknownst product of a college relationship his human biological dad had with a woman now-deceased. And 20 years later, Buddy's Dad is a very grumpy workaholic executive in New York City who is on Santa's "Naughty List." Buddy decides to go to New York to find his father and be the "World's Greatest Son," but what he doesn't realize is that his father is married with young son. More important, none believe in Santa nor the spirit of Christmas. This becomes Buddy's mission.

Despite Will Ferrell's absence from the stage version, elf the Musical does have a little star power: Santa is played by the appropriately jolly George Wendt of Cheers fame, and it's hard not to fall in love with Sebastian Arcelus' Buddy the Elf. Santa gives Buddy the following advice before he embarks on his trip from the North Pole to New York City which is basically, "Many pizza places in NYC claim to be Ray's Original pizza; but there's only one original, and it's on 6th Avenue between 11th and 12th Streets..."

The rest of the cast is delightful, all sing and dance their way through Buddy's story well and with humor that the adults find funny without offending the tykes and the music is festive enough to get a Grinch like myself in the holiday mood. "The Story of Buddy the Elf," for example, is one remarkablly peppy tune in which a toddler couldn't help himself from singing the chorus during the quiet scene following its introduction). But what most impressed me about the show was the incredible set design by David Rockwell and beautiful costumes by Gregg Barnes. The towering, grey, realistic art deco office buildings reminded me of my view of downtown Manhattan. Buddy stands out in Jolly the Green Giant green, and when he's with New Yorkers, they're dressed in earthtones. It was the cheerful, gorgeous, jewel toned, beaufully handcrafted elf costumes that made the show for me; they popped against the backdrops, and I was actually mesmerized by them.

New York is a Christmas kind of town, and at this time of year, it's the best place to get into the holiday spirit. I attended a matinee of elf where many seats were occupied by families with children. Well-behaved, children, I might add, because elf held their attention. Now that I'm a mother, I thought about bringing my son to a show like this when he's older. Unlike Radio City's Christmas Spectacular, which is a Manhattan institiution, definitely, but in my opinion, a little long for a little kid, elf the Musical is a pint-sized perfection.

Friday, November 12, 2010

No, You Can't Have It All

So while you're enjoying some things and missing out on others, why not paint a pumpkin to look exactly* like your baby?




John, NYC ~ November 11, 2010


*Okay, maybe not exactly like your baby (I didn't get the ears right) 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

HELLO!


I missed you so!

Remember me?

I don't either!

If you told me five years ago (heck, two years ago) that I'd be up to my elbows making sweetpotato/broccoli/beet/pear puree for my son instead of ordering another round at a local happy hour, I'd assume you were either crazy or talking to the person next to me.

But lo and behold, this is what I do now. Isn't that interesting? I wish I had more time to tell you about all the interesting things! The hiccup in the XYZ firewall has allowed me to tell you this latest interesting thing. Let's hope the hiccup lasts awhile.

Love,
Anne