"Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where they hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it--the same night, as a matter of fact."
-Holden Caufield, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Mortified NYC! Holiday Heartbreak on Thursday!
Mortified's Heartbreak Holiday Show is featured in The L Magazine this week, so you KNOW it's good! Valentine's Day sucks. Love stinks. Come on out and share the shame!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
9 pm
92YTribeca
$15
http://www.getmortified.com/
Friday, February 05, 2010
Got Storm?
Remarkably, NYC might get some accumulation. Might. Sure, it's an exciting city where we don't need storms to liven things up, but I enjoy snow. And let's face it, I'm pretty uncomfortable these days (Hell, people are shouting, "Pregnant!" at me on the street), and I need to enjoy stuff while I can. Let it snow.
You Know You're Pregnant When
- Your period stops
- You feel queasy
- You grow a belly
- Something within that belly moves around a la Alien
- Your walk turns into a waddle
- Oh, and most important: A guy passes you on the sidewalk with, "Pregnant!"
True!
Who needs to buy a Clearblue Easy test when you've got that guy tellin' you what time it is?
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Mortified NYC! Heartbreak Holiday Edition One Week Away
The Heartbreak Holiday Edition
Thursday, February 11
Thursday, February 11
Produced by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.
Featuring really pathetic teen crap written by the following relatively reasonable grownups:
Brooke Van Poppelen, Jenn Wehrung, Adam Wade, Todd Rosenberg, Jasmin Singer, Boni Joi and more!
WHO LIKE-LIKES MORTIFIED:
"A cultural phenomenon!" (Newsweek)
"Captivating!" (Entertainment Weekly)
"Spreading the new gospel of awkward all over the land." (Daily Candy)
"These readings capture just how wrong-headed we can be back when we were teenagers." (This American Life)
"Comic genius! (LAist.com)
"Funny and horrifying" (USA Today Pop Candy)
Mortified is a totally grassroots organization and depends on people like YOU spreading the word. Please pass this on.
"A cultural phenomenon!" (Newsweek)
"Captivating!" (Entertainment Weekly)
"Spreading the new gospel of awkward all over the land." (Daily Candy)
"These readings capture just how wrong-headed we can be back when we were teenagers." (This American Life)
"Comic genius! (LAist.com)
"Funny and horrifying" (USA Today Pop Candy)
Mortified is a totally grassroots organization and depends on people like YOU spreading the word. Please pass this on.
Help Three Friends Win a Well-Deserved Award
Direct message from my pal Matt McCarthy (your favorite red-headed Verizon commercial cable guy)
"HEY!
VOTE for FRONTPAGEFILMS.COM for BEST WEBSITE!!"
Then maybe feed an animal for free?
As you were, do gooder!
Too Good to be True
Cupcakes topped with not just vanilla babies but chocolate as well (or Latino babies, as the package read, apparently). Comix, NYC ~ 1/27/10
Jon Friedman cracking up the kids with"your mother" jokes. Comix, NYC ~ 1/27/10
Folks "show"ered (and roasted) me and baby-to-be with love last week at Comix for the first-ever comedy co-ed Baby SHOWer that people not only didn't whine about attending beforehand, but raved about for days afterward.
Produced by Jenn Wehrung, Julia Wright, and Brandy Barber.
Special guests included dear peeps Jenn Hyjack, Honi Harlow, Giulia Rozzi, Shawn Hollenbach, Jenny Rubin, Jon Friedman, Leah Dubie, Matt Sears, Katina Corrao and Adam Wade live via satellite (or pre-recorded video, if you want to get technical)! Oh, and there were tremendous cupcakes.
Photos by Jenn Wehrung
Monday, February 01, 2010
My Wife, Uh
"My wife went through my phone, and, uh, may be calling you."
Heh heh. That's still so good. Oh, Tiger.
Heh heh. That's still so good. Oh, Tiger.
Tonight: Honi's Hide-a-Way!
Honi Harlow’s Hide-a-Way
Monday, February 1
“Cudzoo & The Fagettes” Band at 8:00 pm
Show at 8:30 pm
Tickets $10 (Say you're a friend of Honi's for $5 tickets)
@ Fontana’s
Monday, February 1
“Cudzoo & The Fagettes” Band at 8:00 pm
Show at 8:30 pm
Tickets $10 (Say you're a friend of Honi's for $5 tickets)
@ Fontana’s
105 Eldridge Street
New York, NY 10002-4482
(212) 334-6740
Your Host: Honi Harlow
Your Stars:
Bunny Love
Jo Boobs
Creamy Stevens
Dame Cuchifrita
Bella Da Balls
Rob Davis
Maddy Mann & Lexi
Erica Bradshaw
Justine
Jenn Hyjack
Plus Special Guests from the cast of "Fetes de la Nuit"
Kris, John, and Alexandria
Friday, January 29, 2010
This Sheet Does Work
Got dirty laundry but no time? Check.
Got dirty laundry and no time and dozens of stairs to climb? Check.
Got dirty laundry, no time, dozens of stairs to climb, and no extra hands for bulky products because you're carrying an extra load (pregnant)? CHECK!Even if you answered two out of three, Purex Complete 3-in-1 is for you; these pre-treated detergent/softener/dryer sheets are phenomenally convenient for the average city kitty, let alone a suburban dweller with the luxury of washer/ dryer in the house.
This Sheet Works - Purex® Complete 3-in-1™ Laundry Sheets
* I don't get paid in cash or with products to endorse stuff, so believe it, yo. This sheet is good.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Doodle's New Sweater
Doodle modeling her new ski sweater as she practices smothering the baby by smothering the onesies. Good job, Doodle!Doodle, NYC ~ January 27, 2010
Best Baby Shower Ever
Tonight wonderful friends (including a real live baby) came out to support (and delightfully roast) me and baby-to-be. I'm so honored by everyone's thoughtfulness--especially those who put the whole thing together in the first place--that for once, I'm speechless.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Today Show Has Softened My Brain
I may need to wear a helmet for awhile.
Since tossing my vintage 1990 stereo a few months ago, I regrettably no longer listen to NPR (WNYC) in the morning. I now rely on NY1 but since it repeats itself every fifteen minutes or so I've been also flirting with The Today Show. For this, I'm paying a high intellectual price. Man, is that show dumb. A dumb show talking down to what is a dumb audience, I guess, and I'm a dumbass for participating in the dumbing down process. I can't decide whom I like least. Meredith, Matt, Ann, or Al, and yet, there I am, watching it. Gross! As I was being patronized this morning, and Martha Stewart gasped, "I just love woks," as she tended to her stir fry before commercial break, I recalled a few dumb things folks have said around me recently.
In a meeting a few days ago, someone said, "Last year, we had an account that was literally in the toilet." Do you believe him? I don't believe him. That'd have to be one big toilet.
And recently while I was walking down Broadway, I encountered a group of tourists from Long Island. Naturally, they were chirping with excitement about their surroundings as they made their way to their next destination. One pointed to Smithsonian's National Museum of the American Indian, in NYC, formerly the Customs House, and exclaimed to her fellow hens, "That used to be Delmonico's Steak House*. Eggs Benedict was discovered** there. Yeah! Eggs benedict! It was discovered there!"
* no it didn't
**discovered?
Here's the real story behind eggs benedict.
Sigh.
Since tossing my vintage 1990 stereo a few months ago, I regrettably no longer listen to NPR (WNYC) in the morning. I now rely on NY1 but since it repeats itself every fifteen minutes or so I've been also flirting with The Today Show. For this, I'm paying a high intellectual price. Man, is that show dumb. A dumb show talking down to what is a dumb audience, I guess, and I'm a dumbass for participating in the dumbing down process. I can't decide whom I like least. Meredith, Matt, Ann, or Al, and yet, there I am, watching it. Gross! As I was being patronized this morning, and Martha Stewart gasped, "I just love woks," as she tended to her stir fry before commercial break, I recalled a few dumb things folks have said around me recently.
In a meeting a few days ago, someone said, "Last year, we had an account that was literally in the toilet." Do you believe him? I don't believe him. That'd have to be one big toilet.
And recently while I was walking down Broadway, I encountered a group of tourists from Long Island. Naturally, they were chirping with excitement about their surroundings as they made their way to their next destination. One pointed to Smithsonian's National Museum of the American Indian, in NYC, formerly the Customs House, and exclaimed to her fellow hens, "That used to be Delmonico's Steak House*. Eggs Benedict was discovered** there. Yeah! Eggs benedict! It was discovered there!"
* no it didn't
**discovered?
Here's the real story behind eggs benedict.
Sigh.
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