Thursday, July 31, 2008
Oh...Um...Henry? Henry. Sure. It must be 20 years. How did you get my...
Yeah I facebooked you the other day? What's goin' on, Jim! Jimbo! Good ol' Jimbo! 'Member me?
Um, sure. Yep. Homeroom, 1977. I remember. So...
So what are you doing? What have you been up to, Jim?
Well, ah, Kate and I are just about to put the kids to bed, and we're cleaning up after dinner... Um. You? So, what are ...you doing these days? Do you have kids?
Actually, I'm in jail.
Jail? You're in jail?
Yeah, Jimbo. I'm kind of in a bind.
Oh, wow. So...what...happened?
Well, I took the bus today and sat next to a young guy sleeping with his head against the window.
And, well, somewhere between Edmonton and Winnipeg, I cut his head off.
Jimbo? Jim? JIMBO? JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Doodle in one piece
- Doodle's camera in one piece
- 15 amazing shots of Doodle's Vermont Vacation from her perspective
"Lovely" floral print chair and sofa covers breathe new life into tired old furniture and cover up soiled upholstery. 100% polyester throws are fringed all around and have non-skid foam backings. Machine wash. Made in the USA.
Available in colors: Green (GRN), Beige (BGE), Brown (BRN), Rose (ROS) or Blue (BLUE)
Available in sizes: Love Seat (70" x 120"), Sofa (70" x 140") or Large Sofa (70" x 170")
Floral Bouquet Furniture Covers
- Large Sofa Cover
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
A common personality problem for men and women characterized by the consistent inability to communicate effectively or interestingly or the inability to "bring anything to the table" during an existing conversation and kill it, or both. Personality dysfuction can vary. It can involve a total inability to have anything to say, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief, awkward conversations. Personality dysfunction is also called "annoying."
- Monday, August 25, 8pm~ Summer's Over "Back to School" Edition
- Monday, October 20, 8 pm
- Monday, December 15, 8 pm
Pencil us in and check us out! And remember, if you or someone you know has the urge to share their mortifiying teen crap (diaries, journals, poems, song lyrics, school assignments, audio/video and more) onstage for total strangers (it's cathartic!), please go to www.getmortified.com. We're always looking for new submissions.
Yours in angst,
Saturday, July 26, 2008
"Keith Walendowski is accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said 'I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."
I sure hope you all can beat the heat and make it to the BIG show this Saturday!
It's an ALL STAR LINEUP and I will be giving away... FREE DONUTS!!!!!!
Saturday July 26th
'The Adam Wade From NH Show'
332 E. 11th St.
New York , NY
BIG JAKE GOLDMAN
THE GREAT BRYAN TUCKER
(writer for SNL, Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, The Chris Rock Show and Chappelle's Show, Mad TV)
Triple A, AWESOME ANNE ALTMAN
MR LEGEND HIMSELF, RITCH DUNCAN
currently writing LIVING WITH LYCANTHROPY: A Lifestyle Guide for the Modern Werewolf, with Bob Powers,
which provides newly infected werewolves with a workable road map for living an ethical, fulfilling, and near-violence free life through chapters such as How to Tell When the Moon is Full, Avoiding Detection, and So You’ve Attacked Someone, to Becky Cole at Broadway.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Some folks have expressed interest in Doodle's potential to be a phenomenal photographer. She roams wild and free up in Vermont (radius is unknown at present, Cat GPS is next on the wishlist, though she is implanted with an ID chip in case she goes missing) killing defenseless creatures in her path. If you're one of those folks who wishes to contribute to her photography project by being an Any Amount Investor ($1 and up) in her $60 cat camera, see sidebar at right in order to do so. Deadline is August 1.
Pro: Potential amazing pics from Doodle's perspective with her very own camera.
Con: Potential risk of camera loss, as Doodle has delved deep into the puckerbrush and has come back home sans collar on more than once occasion.
Conclusion: In my opinion, worth the risk.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
I've only known you a minute or two
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thank you, thank you, thank you all again, dear readers! Doodle thanks you too. I told her she's going away in a few weeks, but she doesn't seem to give a shit at present.
"Grand Central, please," they told the cab driver.
Grand Central? You could see Grand Central from where we were standing. Grand Central? Grand Central? Really? Grand Central! Grand Central is 8 blocks away!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Topless tennis star Andy Roddick apparently lives in my friend Petey's Manhattan neighborhood. Petey saw him walking down the street one day with his backwards baseball hat and hot girlfriend and some other dude, and he decided to quicken his pace to get behind them and see what a snippet of Andy Roddick's conversation is all about.
And this, my friends, is what it's all about:
Andy: (to girlfriend, whom he has his arm around):
"So this girl totally wanted me and I was like, ppppfffffffffff whatever!"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
See, when you make a donation by clicking the PayPal button in the sidebar at right, not only to you get the satisfaction of making the dream of Doodle Goes to Camp a reality for a restless 7 pound terrorist cooped up in a spacious midtown apartment this shiteous economy (Jet Blue charges $100 each way for a pet stowed under your seat--up fifty beans from last year), you're getting Doodle off my jock for awhile. Love her to death, TO DEATH! But man, is she annoying when she's bored. And let me tell you, she's fucking bored. I just can't take the meowing. The lying around, the moping, the meowing. I've enjoyed a lousy five minute break from the annoying when she caught in midair (and immediately ate) the two stray flies that got in here. Then there's what she did to my houseplant. Then I've got to annoy her back by putting hats and wigs on her and take her picture she just hates that, and then we end up fighting. Look, bitch wants to go out and kill, okay? Let her kill! Please, won't you help her kill? Just a $1. Every $1 helps Doodle torture and kill, kill (or just torture and then it eventually dies) another defenseless creature, every $1 helps her eat another blade of grass, every $1? Another rewarding crap in the great outdoors.
Doodle and I thank you in advance--every bean counts!
- 1 cup Cheerios with skim milk
- 1 cup of black coffee
- 1 grilled Swiss cheese on whole wheat with tomato and grilled onions
- 1 side of onion rings with ketchup
- 1 iced tea
- 1 slice of vegetable pizza
- 1 diet Sprite
- 1 mailbox
- 1 cup of ball bearings
- 1 lawn chair
- 1 house fly (accidental)
Bob Lanier, St. Bonaventure University graduate (Go, Bonnies!) and NBA hall of famer, required the largest size basketball shoe of any player during his career with the Detroit Pistons and Milwaukee Bucks. Guess his shoe size sans Google:
"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being" -Abraham Lincoln