You Can Hang It Up When You Make the Times, Right?

UrbanEye

COMEDY

My So-Called Life

Published: February 10, 2010

There should be a word for it in German. The feeling you get when you hear someone read from her long lost diary about her middle school crush. Thursday night, you can revel in that unique form of humiliation at the 92YTribeca where Comedy Below Canal is presenting a heartbreak edition of "Mortified." The show is a comedic "excavation of teen angst artifacts" including journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies and more as shared by their original authors before total strangers. This show is hosted by Anne Altman and features Adam Wade, Jenn Wehrung, Jasmin Singer, Brooke Van Poppelen, Todd Rosenberg, Julia Wright, Boni Joi and Julianna Forlano.

By JULIE BLOOM FORWARD

NYTimes.com UrbanEye

Mortified NYC! Holiday Heartbreak on Thursday!

Mortified's Heartbreak Holiday Show is featured in The L Magazine this week, so you KNOW it's good! Valentine's Day sucks. Love stinks. Come on out and share the shame!

Thursday, February 11, 2010
9 pm
92YTribeca
$15
http://www.getmortified.com/

Mortified NYC! Heartbreak Holiday Edition One Week Away

MORTIFIED!

The Heartbreak Holiday Edition
Thursday, February 11

@ the 92YTribeca
9PM
$15
92ytribeca.org

Produced by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.

Featuring really pathetic teen crap written by the following relatively reasonable grownups:

Brooke Van Poppelen, Jenn Wehrung, Adam Wade, Todd Rosenberg, Jasmin Singer, Boni Joi and more!

WHO LIKE-LIKES MORTIFIED:
"A cultural phenomenon!" (Newsweek)
"Captivating!" (Entertainment Weekly)
"Spreading the new gospel of awkward all over the land." (Daily Candy)
"These readings capture just how wrong-headed we can be back when we were teenagers." (This American Life)
"Comic genius! (LAist.com)
"Funny and horrifying" (USA Today Pop Candy)
Mortified is a totally grassroots organization and depends on people like YOU spreading the word. Please pass this on.

Mortified: Heartbreak Holiday Angst Edition! February 11 @ 9pm

If you're alive (or dead), you've definitely had your heart stomped on once, twice or thrice. And whether or not you're lucky in love at this very moment, love stinks and you know it, so just get over yourselves.

Come on out to Mortified to hear pathetic, sad-sack, completely ridiculous, humiliating and embarrassing teen vomit from the following former teens:

Brooke Van Poppelen

Adam Wade

Jasmin Singer

Todd Rosenberg

Jenn Wehrung

and more!

Anne in Chicago ~ January, 2009


Share the shame with us!


Mortified

Produced by Anne Altman and Julia Wright

Thursday, February 11, 2010


9pm

$15 (and worth every pathetic penny)


Tribeca92Y

(Romeo and Juliet image from www.taudiobook.com)

Tonight: Mortified! On Ice! Holiday Angst Edition!

Mortified!

Tonight!

December 17, 2009

9 pm

$15

92YTribeca

200 Hudson Street

NYC

Featuring mortifying teen crap from:

Julia Wright
Anne Altman
Shawn Hollenbach
Alene Latimer
Erin Griffith
Kristina Wong
Kyle Supley
Emlyn Morinelli
Becky Ciletti

Mortified NYC! Holiday Angst on Ice! December 17 @ 92Y Tribeca!

MORTIFIED NYC

HOLIDAY ANGST ON ICE* EDITION

Thu, Dec. 17, 2009, 9:00pm

92YTribeca proudly presents Mortified, a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Mortified has been hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and was celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy and more. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, Mortified's grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people—all in the noble pursuit of self-degradation.Mortified is produced in NYC by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.

GET TICKETS HERE!

Date & Time: Thu, Dec 17, 2009, 9:00pm
Location: 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street Directions
Venue: 92YTribeca Mainstage
Code: T-MM5CM06-01

Price: $15.00

Come share the shame! Holiday style!

*Not really on ice. But super cool.

Genius Organizing: It's Genius!

My dear pal (and fellow producer of Mortified NYC ) has exceptional skills, one of which is helping folks like me organize their stuff and discard their clutter. Julia Wright has recently teamed up with Nicole at Genius Organizing and the two professional organizers are on a mission to make life less overwhelming, simple, clean, and fun for all. Are you buried under a mountain of junk you can't seem to make sense of? Call Genius and let them help you cut the crap.

Read about Genius Organizing in Time Out New York! (photograph by Diana Sonis for TONY)

and now they've got a blog, yo! www.geniusorganizing.blogspot.com

Tonight! Mortified NYC's Back to School Edition @ Le Poisson Rouge

Mortified! Live, up in your grill, with all that back-to-school teen angst you remember (and have desperately been trying to forget). So whether you need to dust off that Trapper Keeper, get your erasable pens in order, fill your lunch box, peg your jeans, or cram your Le Sportsac with Bonne Bell (and blue mascara), do what you've gotta do to come on down and share the shame with us!

Mortified!

Thursday

September 3, 2009

7 pm

Le Poisson Rouge

158 Bleecker Street

NYC

$15 

2 drink minimum (thankfully not maximum!)

WWW.GETMORTIFIED.COM

Hosted by Anne Altman

Featuring authentic mortifying teen crap from:


Brandy Barber!

Jon Friedman!

Angel Yau!

Michael Cyril Creighton!

Mindy Raf!

Andrea Crossman!

&

Tom Shillue!

2 good 2 B 4 gotten!

2getha 4eva!

B there or B square!

www.getmortified.com

Mortified NYC: Tonight!

Get Mortified

@

Le Poisson Rouge

158 Bleecker Street, NYC

7 pm

$15

Come share the shame!

One Week Until Maximum Awkward: Mortified NYC on July 16

image from the Georgetown Indy.


Original awkward teen angst material read aloud in front of strangers by its original now-adult authors who may or may not still be awkward. Come share the shame!

At Le Poisson Rouge
Thursday, July 16 @ 7 pm

Got tix? $10 tix available now! ($15 day of show)


Yours in angst,
Anne

http://www.getmortified.com/

Two Weeks Until Mortified NYC: Get Your Teen Angst On

Mortified
Thursday, July 16, 2009 ~ 7:00 pm
at Le Poisson Rouge, New York, NY
Doors open at 6:30 PM, show begins at 7:00 PM.

$10 tickets on sale now ($15 day of show)

212-505-FISH

This edition of Mortifed NYC features mortifying teen crap from

Eliot Glazer, Raquel D'Apice, Sabrina DeJesus, Mary Beth Menna, Carrie Seim and more!

Come share the shame.

Mortified: Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic.
Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people.---all in the noble pursuit of self-degradation--so come share the shame! Mortified is produced in NYC by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.

Your Old Stuff + a Live Audience = Horrifying Comedy (Mortified)

The Anonymity Project: Sent in by Ramona. Thanks, Ramona!

Next Mortified NYC: Thursday, July 16, 2009 at Le Poisson Rouge! 7 pm
Recession-friendly ticket and drink prices! $10 advance / $15 day of show
www.getmortified.com
www.lepoissonrouge.com
Tickets on sale now.
Come share the shame!

Mortified NYC's May Show at Le Poisson Rouge

Mortified NYC at Le Poisson Rouge, NYC~ May 20, 2009

Julia Wright (Mortified NYC Producer)

Anne Altman (Mortified NYC Producer)

Ilana Glazer

Jasmin Singer

John Grady

Joan Franzino

Jake Goldman

Jenn Wehrung

Anne and Jake in LPR's green room with cast and friends

*** Fantastic snaps shot by hunk o' burnin' talent, Jason Woolfolk. ***

Mortified NYC's next show is Thursday, July 16 at 7 pm at Le Poisson Rouge. Our last show was standing room only, so reserve seats now to share the shame with us!

www.getmortified.com

Save the Date for Mortified NYC on July 16 at Le Poisson Rouge

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated for years by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, Esquire, The Onion AV Club, Daily Candy, Entertainment Weekly, E!, Talk of the Nation and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of the strange and extraordinary things we created as kids. Witness adults sharing their own adolescent journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more. The largest and longest-running project of its kind, Mortified produces comedic content for the stage, the page, and the web. Our latest book, Mortified: Love Is a Battlefield, is in stores everywhere. Mortified is produced in NYC by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.

www.getmortified.com

Summer Lovin' Edition of Mortified!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
7 pm
at Le Poisson Rouge!
www.lepoissonrouge.com
Advance reservations suggested

Read Some Evil, Hear n' See Some Evil: Anne in May

Mortified! Wednesday, May 20 at 7 pm at Le Poisson Rouge!

GET MORTIFIED:
Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people.---all in the noble pursuit of self-degradation--so come share the shame! Our two books, Mortified: Real Words Real People Real Pathetic and Mortified: Love is a Battlefield are in bookstores now and make great gifts! Visit http://www.getmortifie... for more info. Share the shame. Mortified is produced in NYC by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.
Reserve seats! $10 tickets on sale now! ($15 day of show + 2 item min)
http://www.lepoissonrouge.com/

Misery Date on Friday, May 29 at 7:30 pm at Ochi's Lounge!

MISERY DATE: Online, Blind, and Simply Ridiculous Dating Stories - Are you single and frustrated? Perpetually the 3rd wheel? Sexless and the City? Anne Altman (Mortified, Two Can Anne) feels your pain because she's experienced the lion's share of terrible dates in this town: Cheap Guy, Gross Guy, Dumb Guy, Silent Guy, Militant Zionist Guy, "No Doubt About It" Guy (his favorite phrase), Creepy Vasectomy Guy, Yoga Guy, Guy Who Smelled Like a Hamper, Yellow Rubber Bracelet Guy, and she could go on. Oh, and she will--misery loves company, so she's invited some similarly disenchanted folks to share their miserable stories for a cathartic evening of laughs, pity, and a sliver of hope! Hosted by Anne Altman. Free with a cocktail! www.annealtman.blogspot.com

Family Hour with Auntie Sara on Saturday, May 30 at 9 pm Ochi's Lounge! Featuring Anne Altman!

FAMILY HOUR WITH AUNTIE SARA - The New York Post calls Family Hour one of NYC's top alt-comedy shows! The New York Press and Metromix.com also recommend our magically dysfunctional story-fest featuring comedians from Comedy Central, MTV, VH1, NBC and the movies talking about family in a manner that is not at all appropriate for actual families with actual children. Hosted by Sara Benincasa (Nerve.com, MTV News, Sirius) with Kambri Crews (The Moth, LoveDaddy.org). Free with a cocktail!

Got Zits? Got Tix? Mortified NYC on May 20!

It's Springtime for Mortified!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

7 pm

at Le Poisson Rouge!

www.lepoissonrouge.com

***Advance reservations recommended--tickets on sale now here! ***

What is Mortified?

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people.

Mortified is produced in New York by Anne Altman and Julia Wright.

www.getmortified.com

***Day of show tickets are $15, so don't wait, appreciate!

May 20, 2009: Mortified NYC at Le Poisson Rouge!

We're one month out and this is a jaunty and friendly, yet acne and angst-ridden reminder to reserve yourself a seat at the hot new Le Poisson Rouge for an enjoyable evening of super mortifying teen crap for the recession-friendly price of just $10* beans! I'm proud and honored to say that the Judy Blume, accomplished, distinguished, and controversial author--and Patron Saint of Teen Angst-- herself came to see Mortified with her husband George and loved it. See what she had to say about it here.

It's Springtime for Mortified!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

7 pm

at Le Poisson Rouge!

www.lepoissonrouge.com

Advance reservations recommended--tickets on sale now here!

What is Mortified?

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is produced in New York by Anne Altman and Julia Wright. www.getmortified.com

*Day of show tickets are $15, so don't wait, appreciate!

Two New Shows: One New and One Brand New!

1. 
   
   New: Mortified NYC! New Location, New Time! Le Poisson Rouge, Wednesday, May 20, 2009 @ 7 p.m. $10 tickets in advance, $15 day of show. "Hailed a 'cultural phenomenon' by Newsweek and celebrated for years by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, Esquire, The Onion AV Club, Daily Candy, Entertainment Weekly, and E!, Mortified is a comic excavation of the strange and extraordinary things we created as kids. Witness adults sharing their own adolescent journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more. After all, where else can you hear grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their... first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Jon Bon Jovi." Produced by Anne Altman and Julia Wright!




2. Brand New! Misery Date: Online, Blind, and Simply Ridiculous Dating Stories!
   To my credit, I've had a lion's share of terrible dates--there's Cheap Guy, Gross Guy, Dumb Guy, Silent Guy, Militant Zionist Guy, "No Doubt About It" Guy (his favorite phrase), Creepy Vasectomy Guy, Yoga Guy, Guy Who Smelled Like a Hamper, Yellow Rubber Bracelet Guy, and I could go on. Oh, and I will: Misery loves company, so I've invited some similarly disenchanted folks to share their miserable stories for a cathartic evening of laughs, pity and a sliver of hope. Produced by Anne Altman. Ochi's Lounge, Friday, May 29, 2009 @ 7:30 p.m. Free!

Save the Date for Mortified NYC on May 20: New Venue, New Time!

It's Springtime for Mortified!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

7 pm

at Le Poisson Rouge!

www.lepoissonrouge.com

Advance reservations suggested--tickets on sale now here!

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is produced in New York by Anne Altman and Julia Wright. www.getmortified.com

Smith Magazine's Next-Door Neighbor Stories

Sweet Dreams by Anne Altman

I moved to NYC in the early 90's and shared a two-bedroom apartment with a whiny roommate who ate only Hamburger Helper. Because she was so annoying, my boyfriend and I usually stayed at his luxury co-op on the Upper West Side. When my lease was up, I ditched the roomie for my very own place in Gramercy Park.

The upside was that I'd be living alone, and the rent was reasonable. The downside was that it was a railroad style on the first floor with scant natural light and a shower in the kitchen. But it was cozy, and I was proud.

The bedroom was so narrow it required a trundle-style twin bed that flipped out into a double to accommodate guests. One hot summer night, I invited my boyfriend to spend the night for the first time.

"But you don't have A/C," he said.

"I know, but I have a fan. And a window to put it in! Please? Come on! It'll be fun!"

He relented. When it was time to turn in, I switched on the small box fan in the alley-facing window at the foot of the bed to alleviate the heat.

As we drifted off, sweating atop the covers, a couple in another apartment--possibly in the building next door--started fighting. They obviously relied on their open window to cool off, because they were so loud they may as well have been in the trundle bed with us.

"Nice," my boyfriend said to me in the pitch dark.

"It's fine. It'll die down. It's okay," I replied, trying to convince him—and myself—
that slumming it for a night at my place wasn't a terrible idea.

"Fuck YOU!" screamed the woman.

"No, fuck YOU!" screamed the man.

"FUCK YOU!" they screamed in unison.

And so it went, for what seemed like hours, as we lay there listening and wondering whether or not to call 911.

"YOU JUST HAVE TO ANSWER ME ONE MORE QUESTION!" the woman shrieked.

"WHAT!?!?!" shouted the man.

"WHERE… DID YOU PUT… MY FATHER!?!?!?"

Braced for his reply, we didn't hear an answer, just an eerie and deafening silence.

My boyfriend never stayed at my apartment again.


The End

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