Two Can Anne + 2

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thank You, Facebook!

Hey, man! It's Henry. Henry Sullivan fom junior High. I'm so glad you picked up!! 'Member me?

Oh...Um...Henry? Henry. Sure. It must be 20 years. How did you get my...

Yeah I facebooked you the other day? What's goin' on, Jim! Jimbo! Good ol' Jimbo! 'Member me?

Um, sure. Yep. Homeroom, 1977. I remember. So...

So what are you doing? What have you been up to, Jim?

Well, ah, Kate and I are just about to put the kids to bed, and we're cleaning up after dinner... Um. You? So, what are ...you doing these days? Do you have kids?

Actually, I'm in jail.

Jail? You're in jail?

Yeah, Jimbo. I'm kind of in a bind.

Oh, wow. So...what...happened?

Well, I took the bus today and sat next to a young guy sleeping with his head against the window.

Ok?

And, well, somewhere between Edmonton and Winnipeg, I cut his head off.

[....................]

Jim?

[Click]

Jimbo? Jim? JIMBO? JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Cool as a Cucumber but Hot as Balls

Doodle, NYC

July 26, 2008

Hurry!

2 more days to contribute $1

Doodle's Vermont Photography Project!

We hope to return with the following:

Doodle in one piece
Doodle's camera in one piece
15 amazing shots of Doodle's Vermont Vacation from her perspective

Thank you in advance for your support!

I Invite You to Take a Dump on My Sofa

My beautiful new Floral Bouquet Sofa Cover in brown allows you to do just that. Or did you already? What about a piss? Hard to say when your sofa cover's got brown and yellow splotches all over it. Got dogs? Bring 'em over too. Get on up here on the couch, boys! Good boys. Sit.

Floral Bouquet Furniture Covers
"Lovely" floral print chair and sofa covers breathe new life into tired old furniture and cover up soiled upholstery. 100% polyester throws are fringed all around and have non-skid foam backings. Machine wash. Made in the USA.
Available in colors: Green (GRN), Beige (BGE), Brown (BRN), Rose (ROS) or Blue (BLUE)
Available in sizes: Love Seat (70" x 120"), Sofa (70" x 140") or Large Sofa (70" x 170")

Floral Bouquet Furniture Covers
- Large Sofa Cover
Item 68338

WEB SALE! was $29.99.... NOW $17.99

Choose Color: Color BGE/ Color BLU/ Color BRN/ Color GRN/ Color ROS

Quantity: As many as you can cram into your creepy crummy clutter cottage

There Will be Pie

"Ford Motor Co., Holmes trucks."

The Holmes Modern Bakery pie delivery fleet circa 1920 in Washington, D.C.

National Photo Company. from shorpy.com

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hey, Shorty, It's Almost My Birthday

Doodle, NYC

July 26, 2008

Hoop Dreams

7/29/08 ~ NYC

3rd Avenue near 19th Street

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Anne's Camera is Here: Now Just Waiting on Doodle's

Monday, July 28, 2008

We've Got a Pill for ED But Is There Hope for Folks with PD?

PD: Personality Dysfunction

A common personality problem for men and women characterized by the consistent inability to communicate effectively or interestingly or the inability to "bring anything to the table" during an existing conversation and kill it, or both. Personality dysfuction can vary. It can involve a total inability to have anything to say, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief, awkward conversations. Personality dysfunction is also called "annoying."

Save the Dates: Mortified

Mortified

at Comix

Monday, August 25, 8pm~ Summer's Over "Back to School" Edition
Monday, October 20, 8 pm
Monday, December 15, 8 pm

Pencil us in and check us out! And remember, if you or someone you know has the urge to share their mortifiying teen crap (diaries, journals, poems, song lyrics, school assignments, audio/video and more) onstage for total strangers (it's cathartic!), please go to www.getmortified.com. We're always looking for new submissions.

Yours in angst,

Anne

Doodle's 9 Lives and Beyond 9th Birthday BLOWGANZA in Vermont!

dOODLE, nYc

7/24/08

Holy crap! Big news, kids, big news! In all the excitement over Doodle Goes to Camp I've completely forgotten to tell you that Doodle's turning 9--count 'em 9-- on Thursday, August 7 in Vermont. If you've been wondering what to get the little scamp who has everything for her 9th birthday, I encourage you to make a generous $1 donation to Doodle's Vermont Photography Project (see sidebar at right) on or before August 1. We've raised $21.43 so far towards her $60 customized cat camera which Mr. Lee said he'd ship in time for her vacation. Every lil' bit counts and Doodle and I thank you in advance for your support.

meow

VIVA DOODLE!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Keith Walendowski: Another One of Anne's Heroes

AP photo

Man 1, Lawn mower 0

Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department/ AP

"Keith Walendowski is accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said 'I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

I Can Do That

a poem by Keith Walendowski

I can do that

It's my lawnmower

and

it's my yard

I can shoot it

if I want.

A Note From Adam Wade

Good People,
I sure hope you all can beat the heat and make it to the BIG show this Saturday!
It's an ALL STAR LINEUP and I will be giving away... FREE DONUTS!!!!!!

Full Details:
Saturday July 26th
8pm
'The Adam Wade From NH Show'
at Rififi
332 E. 11th St.
New York , NY
Cost: $5

FEATURING:

BIG JAKE GOLDMAN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAvsu2iRG3c
and
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ymcnLh_EfGc

THE GREAT BRYAN TUCKER
(writer for SNL, Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, The Chris Rock Show and Chappelle's Show, Mad TV)

Triple A, AWESOME ANNE ALTMAN
www.annealtman.blogspot.com

MR LEGEND HIMSELF, RITCH DUNCAN
currently writing LIVING WITH LYCANTHROPY: A Lifestyle Guide for the Modern Werewolf, with Bob Powers,
which provides newly infected werewolves with a workable road map for living an ethical, fulfilling, and near-violence free life through chapters such as How to Tell When the Moon is Full, Avoiding Detection, and So You’ve Attacked Someone, to Becky Cole at Broadway.

Yours truly,

Adam Wade

ps: donuts

Friday, July 25, 2008

from married to the sea

Don't These Remind You of My Aunt Mary?

For Soon-to-Be-Betrothed Whip with Love Always from Ubi

"Glen Echo, 1928."

Riding the Whip at Glen Echo amusement park in Maryland.

National Photo Company Collection glass negative.

from shorpy.com

Look Out the Window: Hollywood is Here

Lexington Avenue, NYC

7/24/08

Filmed a movie last night on my roof and the roof next door. I'm hoping its a romantic comedy starring a buried treasure hunting, shirtless Matthew McConaughey and your mother.