Friday, April 16, 2010

Parenthood 101

Last night I dangled my 3-week old son John's ass under the tub spout.

I cradled his head and arms while his Daddy got his legs, and we hosed off his junk to remove the explosive poo that had gotten seemingly everywhere but his face. This move isn't something they teach you in childbirth and newborn courses; it's an audible you call when the shit that goes down isn't in the playbook, and this time, the shit literally went down.

In class we learned how to create a birth plan and to be flexible about it, which we were, and as it turned out, had to be, but I'll expand on John's delivery in another post. We weren't prepared, however, for the fact that our son would spend only a few hours as a "well baby" and over a week as a "sick baby" in the hospital's neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). As harrowing as the Ass Dangle may sound, it's a far cry easier than changing and feeding your newborn --let alone hold him--when he's covered in wires attached to machines and spending his days and nights toasting in a bread warmer.

The doctors aren't exactly sure what caused the hypoglycemia and subsequent seizure that kept John in the NICU for a week. While specialists and nurses scrambled to get his nutrients in check, his Dad and I traveled back and forth to the hospital everyday to visit him, scrubbing up and donning johnnies to hold him, change him, and feed him until we were kicked out at night just to do it all over again the next day. The experience was, in a word, rough, with many ups and downs along the way. But gallows humor, support from family, friends, and the expertise of hospital staff got us through-- and John out of there-- finally.

This episode clearly tarnished the shine of being a first-time mother a bit and prevented me from blogging like I had intended to, but what's important is that he's home now, a "well baby," healthy and happy, eating, sleeping, and crapping--and looking impossibly cute doing it-- like a champion. And tonight, when we were confronted with another one of baby's renegade doo doo bombs, his Daddy's instincts kicked in, and he cut off the bottom of John's onesie to remedy the situation--again, another off-the-cuff idea. And for now, all's well in Babytown. More soon, I promise.

11 comments:

Some Guy said...

I'm glad baby John is home, healthy, and filling your lives with poop!

teri said...

Oh man, so glad all of you are good and baby is healthy.

I guess you lose a lot of baby clothes this way, by cutting off instead of "traipsing through the mud", so to speak?

A Friend of Greenberg said...

Ah, the poopie-bomb... I know it well. It haunts me in my dreams. Wait till he starts eating people-food... ... it'll make you long for these days. :)

Roo said...

Wow. That sounds like a really stressful scary time. Glad you're all doing well now.

Del-V said...

I hate sick baby news. I'm glad to hear things are better.

And why doesn't someone invent a onesie with a wet/dry vac attachement? You know, like those space storage bags they sell on the late-night infomercials...

JR said...

Given the "scary" start .. you'll all look back on these "poopie" days with great joy. So glad to hear that the family is all well and enjoying each other at home ... despite "little" John's contribution! Be well ...

Tom said...

Anne

Glad to see you and little John are doing well. Treasure these moments and will have laughs years later. Time goes by very quickly and I still to this day wonder where it went. My 3 sons are now 13, 17 and 21
Hope to see you and little John soon

Go Yanks and a bean a game?
Later Tom

anne altman said...

i'm in for a bean a game, tom! business as usual!

newbluebaby said...

Glad to hear he's OK.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I have no parental insight to offer but sure glad he's healthy and adorable! Way to stay strong.

bubbles said...

I've been MIA, but I'm thrilled to hear about John. You know the saying, 'people plan, God laughs'.