She's Pressin' Charges: WWGD?

You may remember my post, Yellow Bellied Crackers, about a memorable trip on the subway recently with Greenberg.

The next video begs the obvious question:

What would Greenberg do?

Other than immediately decompose into liquid stool?

My dear friend Antoinette, who describes herself as "chocolate," and me as "vanilla," always says, "A chocolate fight isn't over until somebody grabs somebody else's weave. "

Would Greenberg know to grab her weave?

What she grabbed Greenberg's weave???

A few SUCKMYDICKs seem like a walk in the park by comparison, don't they? Of course.

Just One Reason Why Greenberg is a Maniac: In 3 Parts

Enter one size 11.5 dirty Bass Weejun that Greenberg wears everyday and refuses to shine.




















Hole-y shit! Is that an enormous hole? Is that green chewing gum? Is that gross? And possibly terribly cold/wet when it hits the winter pavement?























According to Greenberg:

1 Avery #5260 label = Shoe is fixed.

Two Can Anne Web Traffic History Was Made Today

I had a whopping 4,702 visitors to my blog today, a new and unbelievable record. Why, you ask? Is it the edgy coverage of hot topics of the day like, say, my post on bacon bits? Is it perhaps the extra mile I go to describe some a-hole du jour? Is it my played out series, Weird Wedding Photos?

No, no, and no.


Today, 99% of the 4,702 folks who clicked on my blog today were googling for the video of two girls eating caca from a cup. Since I haven't posted the video, clearly they were disappointed. Waa waaaaaa...

What about that 1%, you ask? Well, they were less concerned with the poop show and more concerned with "What happened to McDonald's Southwest Chicken Salad." I was able to help them out there, at least.

Two Can Anne: Your #1 News Source Sort Of.

34 43.59% two girls one cup
9 11.54% 2 girls one cup
4 5.13% 2 chicks in a cup
3 3.85% two girls-one cup
3 3.85% 2 girls one finger
2 2.56% two girls one finger
2 2.56% two girls one cup video
1 1.28% two girls and a cup
1 1.28% 2 girls one cup video
1 1.28% two girls one cup original
1 1.28% two chicks one cup video
1 1.28% two girls one cup official video
1 1.28% two girls in one cup
1 1.28% two girls and one finger
1 1.28% 2 chicks & a cup
1 1.28% 2 girls and 1 finger
1 1.28% two girls and cup real or fake
1 1.28% 2 girls 1 finger video
1 1.28% two girls and cup
1 1.28% tow girls one cup
1 1.28% two girls one cup
1 1.28% 2 girls and a cup, the real one
1 1.28% what happened to mcdonalds southwest chicken salad
1 1.28% two girls one cup link
1 1.28% two girls one cup real video
1 1.28% two girls and 1 cup

Two Girls One Cup

I'm in the dark about scatological pornography, but apparently there's a video flying around the internet featuring two chicks and a cup of poo. I haven't seen it, but from the way Greenberg just described it, the poo doesn't stay in the cup.

Before you run out and watch Two Girls One Cup, be forewarned: Greenberg claims that viewing this feel good flick has ruined his life.

Have a great morning!

Shades of Greenberg

Super 8's Honeymoon Suite,

Belleville, Kansas

Take a good long look at room pictured above. Oh, the stories it could tell, right? Here's one. Last week, a colleague of mine (I'll call him Man Tub) returned from a college friend's wedding which took place basically in the center of the center of the country, yet in the middle of nowhere: Belleville, Kansas. Former frat dudes being frat dudes, he and his buddies neglected to call ahead for hotel reservations, figuring, "Hell, this is central, rural Kansas. How hard could it be to get a room?"

Not that hard, it turns out, if you don't mind sharing the Super 8's $79 honeymoon suite, "the only room left at the inn" so to speak, with three dudes and of the dude's dates. Oh, and one passed out dude who wasn't supposed to crash there but inevitably did, like he always does. You know that guy. Mooch.

Anyway, Man Tub, his original gang, and about 10 more folks came back to the honeymoon suite after the wedding reception to continue the party where the drinking of copious alcoholic beverages was resumed. A dude I'll call C.K.G (Central Kansas Greenberg) had the idea to turn on the romance by filling up the heart-shaped Jacuzzi tub (pictured) and sooner than you can say fungus, Man Tub, and two of his dude buddies stripped down into their boxers to drink beer in style. But alas, the water was too hot! So they turned on the cold water at full blast too, to get things evened out.

And wouldn't you know it, that turned out to be a mistake. Apparently a waterfall was accumulating in the lobby fo the ol' Super 8, and once Man Tub and his buddies got word, they all ran downstairs to get a look see at the live entertainment they created, as you would, when you're hammered, drinking beer in a honeymoon hot tub in your boxers. According to Man Tub, the manager, who was not pleased, was mopping up the mess in the lobby when CKG decided to go all Greenberg on his ass with an offensive move about the incident. "There's no way it was us! We were just sittin' there, having' a couple beers, taking a couple pictures! It's not like we were splashing all around! It must be your pipes! Look, we'll stay here tonight, but you better have this fixed before anyone else stays in that room!" The manager, too resigned, exhausted and taken aback to argue with this "logic," didn't, and kept on mopping.

The moral of this story, kids? There's a little Greenberg in all of us.

Wow, Greenberg is Blowin' Up!

Remember Greenberg, from calamari and celebrity sightings galore? Well, apparently the Drew Barrymore Collective (fansite) is irate! And they're fighting amongst themselves about the validity of Greenberg's (unflattering) story featuring their muse. I don't know what the big deal is about a broad, celeb or not, allegedly doing a line of coke in a men's bathroom, who cares? Sniff it if you've got it, I say. I'm not one to judge. But isn't this information superhighway stuff fascinating? People are hating on Greenberg! Anyway, if there's one thing I know about Greenberg, the kid doesn't fabricate. He steals calamari destined for other diners and eats it in the bathroom sink, but he owns up to it. Eventually.

Wow, That's Drunk

I know what you're thinking, "Don't tell me you've got another calamari in the bathroom sink story for us, do you Anne?"



Well, no. But it does involve a bathroom. My trusty bathroom dweller, Greenberg, spied on Saturday night a Ms. Drew Barrymore and a certain Justin Long (the annoying hipster Mac vs PC guy) who weren't eating calamari in the men's bathroom at the Bowery Hotel, but they were definitely sniffing something fishy off of the top of the paper towel dispenser. Drew ran out with apologies.



Two Can Anne: Your #1 Source for Unbecoming Behavior in the Bathroom.

Wow, That's Drunk

A friend of mine was reminded this morning of a very bad thing he did last night. I'll call him Greenberg. Apparently Greenberg, on the way to the men's room, helped himself to a plate of calamari on which was sitting on the counter under a warming plate and waiting to be picked up by a server and brought to a table. Greenberg brought it to the men's room with him, set the plate in the sink, wolfed it down with his bare hands.

It should be mentioned that this bathroom was not a private, lockable bathroom, so men were walking in and out as he ate, watching the spectacle. A few of his friends who happened to walk in, also joined Greenberg in the feeding frenzy, scooping up clumps of calamari into their mugs.

Upon their exit however, the owner of the restaurant with his arms folded in front of him, was standing outside to greet them and by his side, a large intimidating bouncer. Greenberg decided that to go on the offensive was the best tactic. "I DIDN'T BRING THAT CALAMARI IN HERE! WHY WOULD YOU ACCUSE ME OF THAT? SURE, I ATE IT, BECAUSE IT WAS IN HERE, BUT I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WAS HIM (pointing to his friend, and throwing him under a bus)! I WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! DO I LOOK THAT STUPID?"

The owner was slightly taken off guard by Greenberg's tirade, but someone, most likely everyone, pointed out that they saw him take the calamari off of the server station and bring it into the bathroom. The friend, whom Greenberg tried to pin the calamari caper on, eventually coughed up the bucks to pay for it, and their party was escorted out of the place.

The End.


*Not his real name.

PS And I thought licking a subway window and ending up in McDonald's was bad.