When You Slip in a Slick of McDonald's Orange Drink Getting Off the Subway

Do NOT try to save your embarrassment and/or death by breaking your fall with the sole weight of your right hand middle finger. You'll sprain it and be prevented from flipping off the ahole who trampled you where you lie because he had his nose in The New York Times, his hand on his briefcase, and his head up his bing bang. 

 

PS Cleanup and/or Refreshments in the 33rd Street 6 Station

Ever Play That Game A$$hole?

I played it in Brooks Brothers this afternoon when I bought 4 snarky douchebag golf shirts in a rainbow of colors including Steve Forbes Pistachio, Drunk Uncle Ted's Roseacea, and Traditional White Man's Burden.

What?

I know! I don't even golf!

What??

I know! But they were in sale for $38 a piece if you bought three or more!

What???

Alright, they were $39.99 or whatevs.

OH, God I know. Don't even look at me, I know! No, I can't afford them really, but I just want to fit in! I just want to fit in. I want to wake up everyday like the dudes in my office and my wardobe choice be limited to a khaki pants/ collared golf shirt/ comfortable shoe uniform so I don't have to freakin' spend so much energy on complicated and annoying lady outfits. Ayite?

Freakin' dudes. They have it all. Especially the rich old money ones. Anybody know where I can buy one of those?