A-hole #1: The line for the restroom at a Connecticut Rest Stop was snaked nearly out the lobby, yet a broad was using stall #2 (of a measly 6) as her private office to make a loud phone call. In Chinese. As I neared the front of the line, I heard other broads hissing and seething with anger, "Somebody should knock on the door. That's not right!" When I got into Stall #1, checked underneath the partition to see what she was doing in there to give her the benefit of the doubt, and sure enough, there was no sitting, only standing and blah-blah-blahing. I took that opportunity to throw a nice big wad of fresh toilet paper under the partition which landed on her shoe. And another wad over, for good measure. That seemed to free up the stall quickly.
A-hole #2: My latecomer seatmate on the MetroNorth Railroad who busted an otherwise pleasant train ride with the following:
- Massive bags a-plenty from a shopping trip to Buy Buy Baby or some crap like that.
- Screeching constantly (from the time she approached to the time she got off) on her bluetooth earpiece in a foreign language so loudly and unapologetically I was simply beside myself--except I was beside her. The one-way conversation sounded like this: "BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG," etc...
- Ruffling and crumpling with plastic bags inside of her purse for candy and settling on a lollypop. Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp.
- Eating pistachio nuts out of an entirely different crumply rumply bag and throwing the shells on the floor (ie: my lap and my luggage)
- Fumbling through her cosmetic bag and brushing hair. Into my face.
- Applying various makeups to her grill piece while elbowing me in my grill piece.
- Instead of saying something to this horrible human being about her 2000 revolting violations of etiquette, I chose my usual entirely ineffective passive aggressive route of staring at her an inch from her face with the dirtiest, most incredulous look I could muster and plugging my ears with my forefingers.
The End.
6 comments:
Where's John Clifford when you need him?
I'd also like to nominate the teenager I got into a shoving match with at the movie theater this past weekend.
I vote for A-hole number 2. I'm also totally amazed at your self restraint. Where was the punch? Where? I expect more from you, Anne.
This is why I don't leave the house.
i punch after the fact via the blog.
though this morning i did step on the back of someone's shoe on purpose to show her not to cut me in line again.
showed her alright.
but what about my toilet paper bombs over the stall partition? i'm proud of that trick.
True,the paper over and under the stall was good and helped many.
You should have blown your nose into the wads of tissue first or worse.
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