Wow, That's Drunk

A friend of mine was reminded this morning of a very bad thing he did last night. I'll call him Greenberg. Apparently Greenberg, on the way to the men's room, helped himself to a plate of calamari on which was sitting on the counter under a warming plate and waiting to be picked up by a server and brought to a table. Greenberg brought it to the men's room with him, set the plate in the sink, wolfed it down with his bare hands.

It should be mentioned that this bathroom was not a private, lockable bathroom, so men were walking in and out as he ate, watching the spectacle. A few of his friends who happened to walk in, also joined Greenberg in the feeding frenzy, scooping up clumps of calamari into their mugs.

Upon their exit however, the owner of the restaurant with his arms folded in front of him, was standing outside to greet them and by his side, a large intimidating bouncer. Greenberg decided that to go on the offensive was the best tactic. "I DIDN'T BRING THAT CALAMARI IN HERE! WHY WOULD YOU ACCUSE ME OF THAT? SURE, I ATE IT, BECAUSE IT WAS IN HERE, BUT I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WAS HIM (pointing to his friend, and throwing him under a bus)! I WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! DO I LOOK THAT STUPID?"

The owner was slightly taken off guard by Greenberg's tirade, but someone, most likely everyone, pointed out that they saw him take the calamari off of the server station and bring it into the bathroom. The friend, whom Greenberg tried to pin the calamari caper on, eventually coughed up the bucks to pay for it, and their party was escorted out of the place.

The End.


*Not his real name.

PS And I thought licking a subway window and ending up in McDonald's was bad.