Hello, It's Me

I'm back, kids. Back from a lil' corporate sales meeting at Foxwoods Resort & Casino in Connecticut. That's right, you know the one: Foxwoods! Yeah It was great, despite the fact that I didn't do so well at the slot machines (but I did have that huge $100 hit that one time, remember? Before it all went sour and I felt like crying?). I saw a lot of strange people during my two night stay. Let's just say that Foxwoods is more Casino and less Resort. And the group of folks patronizing a casino in the middle of the day make you say to yourself both, "Wow, look at these desperate fucking losers." And also, "Wow, I'm in here. I have a lot in common with these desperate fucking losers."

Anyway, if I fall victim to this sad fate one day and live long enough to gamble my paltry Social Security on nickel slot machines so that I'm eating Doodle's cat food (yes, she'll live that long) please, let me be. However, if you find me at 7 am on a Tuesday morning in the casino, or anywhere at anytime, looking like this, immediately put me in a headlock, bash my skull in with a brick, cram me into a suitcase, shoot it 26 times, set it on fire, shoot it again 3 times while it's aflame, and when body smolders itself into a tiny pile of white ashes, please release them over Caspian Lake on a beautiful (and super windy) day. Thank you for respecting my wishes in advance. Because if you didn't, and I ended up like the the broad (or the dude) in the following photo, do you know how embarrassing this could be for me? And my legacy? You're all true friends. The Friends and Family Program: Hard at Work. Awesome. So, love you. Mean it. Call me. Thank you, Ilovepeppers.

Click on the picture for maximum iMAX horror show-style experience.

Get a load of them acorn squash!