All I Did Was Google 700 lb Man, Man

Here I am, per usual, doing some intense research for another hard-hitting piece of journalism on Two Can Anne (breaking news story in progress about a possible big fat man who wanted pizza tonight real real REAL REALLY bad) and when I Google "700 lb man" I get not a picure of a 700 lb man, but this:

700 lb Capacity Hewitt PWC Lift [LOA07] Regularly $779.00 NOW $740.05!

Dragging your personal watercraft or small boat or fat ass across a rocky shore every time you take a break or need repairs can ruin your hull (and your back). And your fat ass. The Hewitt 700 lb. PWC lift is an economical, budget solution for your ass which is fat.

FEATURES

Rust-free all-aluminum construction (strong n' light).
Carpeted quick-adjustable bunks constructed of pressure treated wood.
Self-braking winch with enclosed gears.
Heavy-duty zinc plated pulleys with galvanized cable.
Bed frame reinforced with horizontal cross bars
***the 700lb model comes with a winch handle instead of the wheel (better to lift your fat ass).

Call for fat ass shipping costs. Orders typically ship within 24-48 hours, fat ass. Call 800-657-9998 and speak to one of our knowledgable sales associates with ANY questions prior to ordering your fat ass lift! Boat Lift Distributors is committed to finding the best solution that meets your specific fat ass needs. Fat ass.

*I immediately taped this to my freezer door because that's where my pints of ice cream live.