Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Larry David and the Bluetooth Talker

See, the thing is, I think I was way more tolerant about when I was doing my Qi Gong regularly, but these daysl this type of crap, this public cellphone conversation junk? It's completely pushing me over the edge. I, like Larry, don't tolerate it well. Instead of talking to an imaginary friend, I instead repeat out loud exactly what the offensive person says on their half of the call. It's good. 

"OMG, so my doctor? he totally told me that I might be hypoglycemic? I know! And I was like..." --skank
"OMG, so my doctor? he totally told me that I might by hypoglycemic? I know! And I was like..." --anne, repeating after skank

Years ago, I did this to 2 offensive folks seated near me on an Amtrak train from NYC to Boston. One dude stopped when he heard his own words subtly echoed. The other was too self important to notice how obnoxious he was, too wrapped up in how important he was and how thrilled he was to conduct his personal business on a public train. Mr. Self Important (a "big" Broadway composer type--generally known as a theater fenoik--shall remain nameless. Why? Because I'm kind, of course) left his cellphone number repeatedly while leaving voicemail messages for others. I heard that number no less than 20 times and it was seared in my memory enough to share it with my friends (I have a lot of friends). No doubt the nutsack was a little bewildered when he started receiving dozens of voicemail messages at all hours, from all sorts of random numbers, in totally random male and female voices, about

1)Mom's recent eyeball surgery---they did something to the cornea, the doctor says recovery should take about 3 weeks
2) The flowers that the brother supposedly sent Mom while she was in the hospital--did they arrive?
2) The brickwork that he and the boyfriend are replacing around the fireplace--it looks amazing, but there is an issue with how long the job is taking
3) The grey pinstripe suit that needs to be picked up by his assistant from Today's Man--was it picked up yet? It's been hemmed and it's ready...

but I guarantee you he was the only one who was bewildered. F that guy. Stupid jerk. 

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