Friday, January 04, 2008

New Year's Resolution Poem

Stop smoking and drinking and being a total lazy fatass jerk!

But guess what, yo?

Resolutions never work!

So, I've chosen another route in 2008.

And that route is Qi Gong with Qi Gong Master Lee Holden.


What is Qi Gong and who the hell is Lee Holden, you ask?

I'll explain. Qi Gong is that crazy stuff you seeing groups of Asians doing in public spaces here in Manhattan and well, Asia, probably. To me it all looked like horseshit, so I was intrigued. Horseshit intrigues me. Then one day I was sitting on my sofa like a fatass, per usual, and spied a PBS special with a dorky guy doing Qi Gong and hocking his DVDs during a PBS membership drive. PBS intrigues me. So I got up off of the sofa and did a few moves with Lee and instantly felt better, totally buying into the hype and instead of calling the number right then and there, went online later to purchase his crap.

That was approximately two weeks ago, and ever since I've been doing Lee's Seven Minutes of Magic AM and PM exercises in the comfort of my own living room and digging it. You see, Qi Gong energizes and relaxes the body and mind at the same time.


But I'm here, I'm queer, so get used to it!

I've found that Lee's got a point. You see, at the end of each 7 Minutes of Magic you do a little move called "Bamboo in the Wind" and you stand there like, well, a bamboo in the wind, and your eyes are closed and Lee asks you how you'd like your day to unfold. I usually don't think much past the subway ride, wishing that it goes smoothly and that I don't feel the urge to punch anyone in the beanbag (or as few people as possible), and I've gotta say, I've not wanted to punch people in the beanbag for two days. BELIEVE IT?

Changed woman? You decide.


whipcreamy said...

did it on new year's day. loved it.

SmF732 said...

but we like the punching people in the beanbag postings. these will continue, right?!?! otherwise I'll question the validity of Qi Gong and it's effects on you...

Just Dave said...

Yeah, don't change too much. I don't know if I would like a world where Anne wasn't in your face a little bit, anywho, especially when dealing with the Long Island Godfather.

Rebecca said...

Anne. Oh, Anne Anne Anne. I want you to listen very carefully: it's being plugged by Deepak Chopra. Don't do this to yourself, Anne.

Creepy said...

You should try Creepy's Seven Minutes of Magic.

In all seriousness, I've been taking Tai Chi classes for about a month and dig it as well. The deep, controlled breathing is great stress relief and improved flexibility and balance doesn't suck.