Now if you'll excuse me, I need to catch a plane so that I may stand outside Michael Jackson's house in Bel Air to get a front seat on the action that is unfolding now that he's been pronounced dead at a nearby hospital. Hopefully, I'll be interviewed by CNN about it so I can say that I'm his biggest fan and totally can't believe this is happening right now. Look for me; I'm wearing a white dress and one black glove.
According to CNN, which is streaming live out of my bunger, Michael Jackson is still dead. Will advise with more up-to-the minute news updates shortly, not immediately. Not on Twitter yet.