Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I Did My Best Work in 1979

Here are the sole four entries in an otherwise empty school journal I found titled, "Writing Journal, Anne Altman, 1979." Vote for your favorite. (Like you could possibly choose between them. Please. All gems.)

Rainy Days
Rainy days make me feel happy sometimes because I know that the rain is helping the flowers and plants so they will grow. And I also like to walk in the rain. It makes me feel happy.

My Cat

My cat is the dumbest cat in the world. She climbs up a tree and can't get down, and when she meows for food, we give it to her and she can't find it in front of her nose. She also is dumb when she opens the cellar door to go down, and once she's down she meows to come up again. But really, I love my cat, Lucille*.

The Mysterious Letter

Esmerelda stole the diamonds. She had broken into Sylvia's beautiful castle and stole them. Sylvia, a very rich lady who lives there. So, Sylvia overheard a conversation between Esmerelda and her friends. From that she knew Esmerelda was coming for her gold. But Esmerelda needed her friends and they were to go there first. So Sylvia wrote a letter saying in Esmerelda's friends' handwriting, "Return the diamonds or else!" And she did. So Sylvia lived happily ever after.

The Laundry

I dread to do the laundry because it is always so heavy, and when I bring it downstairs in the evening, I always stub my toe or something. And the floor of the cellar is dirty. Also to collect the laundry, I have to go into my baby sister's room and she starts screaming. So, I hate the laundry.

*Lucille, 1976-1996. XOXO


piglet said...

Although "The Mysterious Letter" had me on the edge of my seat, I, being me, would have to vote for "Laundry," due to your use of the phrase "I dread to do the laundry," and that you were forced to "collect" the laundry. Kind of like Cinderella.

Fricking adorable.

Just Dave said...

Tough choice but I will go with "The Mysterious Letter". Sounds kinda like Sherlock Holmes meets the Marx Brothers.

Sans Pantaloons said...

Rainy Days for me.

Del-V said...

"My Cat" is pretty good.

Margaret Dodge said...

Dumb cat is my favorite. You're really not mincing any words there. And yet you love her.

But she made it to 20?! Not too dumb!

Special K said...

"The Mysterious Letter" gets my vote. It begs for a sequel, or prequel.

Jen said...

Rainy Days!!

anne altman said...

i'm having a tough time here with my vote. i can see that the voters also struggled with their decisions.

i'm going to have to vote for mysterious letter. why? well, simply because it's terrible. of COURSE a castle is beautiful. and is it gold or diamonds that esmerelda stole? get your details straight. PLUS, why did esmerelda need her friends to go to the castle first? she's just going to believe some random letter that says "return the diamonds or else?" i mean, wouldn't she be like, 'wow, my friends are being total assholes. what's this all about?' and another thing, what kind of lame plot "twist" is that? how did sylvia know what esmerelda's friends' handwriting looked like in the first place? i mean, the point is, none of the shit makes sense. the first paragraph is a total grabber and then the rest is a pathetic disappointment with a trite hollywood ending. i give it a D-, what i gave " I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" and also i give it my vote, because i can't write good fiction to this day.

the end.

ps The Mysterious Letter Part II to hit stores soon