Dear Kelly Ripa (top left in photo at right, click to enlarge), Thanks.
PS: You too, Renee Zellweger. You're skinny too. We get it. You don't have to stand in that Hands-Clutching-the-Hips-Fucked-Up-Contortionist Pose for us to see that you're skinny too.
PPS Renee, one more thing, may I ask you if there any other reason why this happens to be your favorite pose? Because it's really terrible. When you pose like this, your favorite way, you appear to have a disfiguring disease that forces you to stand hunched over. A severe scoliosis, if you will. Or what the Elephant Man had. It makes people uncomfortable. Take me, for example. It makes me uncomfortable. And you don't even have what he had, so why the heck are you standing like that? Gas? A clever way to squeak out a toot? Your intestines seizing because from lunch at that fuckin' Sam's Falafel Cart across the street from my office--which, I might add, I've warned you and everyone else in the world who reads this blog about as the post falafel experience can only be described as Violent)--, but whatevs. I can't tell you what to do.
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YES, yes I can. For the love of Christ will you STOP DOING THAT?!!?!! You're not gonna get any straight men to marry you with that vogue. Would you stand up straight, push those titties out and get your shit together, already? Thanks. Bye.
2 comments:
That's the weirdest wedding photo of the lot.
It's so we don't have to look into those squinty eyes of hers. I thank her for the distraction.
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