Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'd Would Have Wished You a Happy Presidents Day

But my office wasn't closed Monday, so to me, it just was a regular day. I suppose I could have wished you a Happy Regular Day. And I didn't.

That wasn't very nice of me, was it?

Frankly, I've been a tad self-absorbed.

In a month, I'm due to give birth to a baby, you see, and I'm simply not ready for my new roommate. The kitchen and living room still need to be painted, and the painter allegedly arrived this morning. With hope, he's not robbing me blind and perving out on my underwear drawer. And there's still stuff to be moved around and put up for his arrival, and it's tough enough for me to get out of my own way, let alone find the energy for that. Doodle has been supportive emotionally, but when it comes to manual labor she comes up short; unless, of course, I need a mouse caught in the basement, brought up 9 flights of stairs into the apartment, and tortured and beheaded in the bathroom, and well, clearly that chore isn't on the top of my checklist right now. Sorry, Doodle. Different priorities.

Other things on the checklist Doodle won't be much help with include electrical work, renewing my license at the DMV, filing my taxes, finding a pediatrician, and researching childcare options. Then there's see my friends and do things I enjoy before I can't anymore. Oh, and sleep, which I don't.

Saturday morning I'll visit the hair salon for the first time since August, considering there won't be time for that come March. According to my last childbirth class, however, I won't have to worry about my hairdo after the baby's born, because it will be falling out all over the place.
Other things to look forward to when you have a baby:
  • Violent mood swings
  • Tearing your undercarriage from "ear to ear"
  • Blowing your butt hole out like cauliflower
  • Boobs which sprink leaks at random


Sans Pantaloons said...

We are all right behind you!
Well, apart from the cauliflower bit...

teri said...

each one of us will come up and babysit at different intervals, okay?

I'm sure parents don't think of the "loveliness" about having kids. they just look at all the cuteness.

anne altman said...

<3 <3 <3

love, jenn said...

Babies don't equal the end of all things, Altman!! You can do your taxes AFTER! You could even file an extension and do 'em in August- for example. If you keep focusing on what's not done, you will miss out on the amazing thing you are about to do!

And you have more offers of help than anyone I know! Not everyone is even close to that lucky! I will babysit on April 30th so you can have your hair trimmed (that is supposed to happen every 6 weeks yes?)

Though I agree with Sans- the cauliflower bit is all you!

anne altman said...

word word word

i did however renew my drivers license today at the DMV relatively easily.

only one person --fully aware i'm 8 mos pregnant-- cut me in line.

not bad.

piglet said...

I love my baby. My doctor did an awesome job on my undercarriage. It still works. Oh. And my baby is 25.

Roo said...

Apparently you won't remember the hoo-hah stretching and/or damage. Some sort of hormone something or other that "washes" over you and everything is lit up inside like a giant happy Christmas tree of love. Or at least that's what happened to my girlfriend. I, however, remember everything. Sheesh.