How Are You Celebrating QVC's 19th Anniversary?

I might just celebrate by buying myself a "believable" Diamonique Ring Set. Or, perhaps a three-stone pendant necklace or earrings.

I'm telling you, I was literally riveted by QVC the other night and surprised myself with how caught up I got with the Anniversary Celebration and stuff.

The whole thing is a fascinating formula that works. Why?

First of all, you feel like the whorish /girl-next-door-lookin host really loves her job, loves the shit she's selling, believes in it because it's so "believable" and most importantly--she cares about YOU.

You've been waiting forever for a 3-stone pendant necklace, waiting for a good time to buy, and you haven't seen a 3-stone pendant necklace at a tremendous savings like this until now. This is a find. Yellow or white gold, this 3-stone concept is permanently attached to the setting, beautiful, sparkling, utterly divine! Do yourself that favor, and buy this 3-stone pendant necklace yourself, right now. Do we have a matching 3-stone earring? Yes We do. Is it part of our EZ Pay plan? Yes it is. Right now, Item # 6537, an unbelievable QVC price of $38.50, this time only as part of QVC's 19th Anniversary. We have a caller on the line right now:

Hi, Bonnie!
Hello?
Bonnie, hi, how ya doin this evening?
Fine, thanks.
Great! Are you calling to tell us how much you love the 3-stone Diamonique pendant necklace?
Yes.
What do you like about the 3-stone Diamonique pendant necklace, that it's fabulous?
Yes.
Well, great, Bonnie, thank you so much for calling.
You're welcome.
Ok, now. Have a good week, Bonnie.
Thanks.
Goodnight, Bonnie.

Ok, back to Diamonique. I'm about to offend almost everyone I know, so here goes. When you can get a 3K diamond for $38.50, why would you spend thousands more? Yes, I understand it's a fake diamond. But it looks real enough.

I get compliments about my fake diamond shit all the time, and nobody ever says boo about the real stones I wear. Let people wonder if it's real or not. Who gives a shit? The person who inspects your ring and asks, "Is that real?" is someone you respect? Of course, your answer is always, "Yes."

Does Diamonique mean your husband doesn't love you enough to buy a real diamond? Plus, the whole engagement ring thing supposedly represents ownership and all that crap and what's nice about that? Why not spend those thousands of dollars on a down payment on a house? That's an investment too, isn't it? A much larger one that's harder to lose down the sink drain?

So all y'all out there who are about to propose, you know where to go. Two Can Anne is a cheap date. Diamonique or bust.

Because I'm worth $40.