Wednesday, January 06, 2010

So, How's Your Year Been?

Mine? Fine. Admittedly I've been a bit busy with this whole growing a human being inside of my belly project, butI do have few details to share about it.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. You're basically telling the world you're easy without a t-shirt with SLUT emblazoned on the front, no? And dudes, they walk free, their tummies flat, their business theirs, nobody's the wiser. Weeks ago, I was glowing, feelin' good, rockin' and rollin', and having a great time. Now I'm still glowing, but I'm waddling, feeling uncomfortable, and having less of a great time. Par for the course say the mothers out there: The Third Trimester Ain't Pretty.

So far, only 4 people have offered me their seats on the subway. Also, I've noticed that people say funny things to you when you're pregnant. I got a manicure on Monday, and two of the ladies on staff asked me if I was 8 months pregnant. Not what you want to hear at 6.5. Today, a guy I work with commented, "My, you're really getting huge, fast," which also sort of hurts the ears, but what are you going to do? I suppose the strangest, dumbest question I've been asked so far was by a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. She'd had a few drinks, and leaned into my ear with one hand cupped around her mouth. "I have a question," she slurred.

"Shoot."

"Well, see, I, well, I shave down there? And I'm like, really concerned, like, when I get pregnant one day because, I mean, what on earth do you do? Like when you can't see your feet and stuff?"

"Mirrors? Listen. Trust me: You're going to have bigger problems. I know you can't believe it now, but you need to take my word for it. If you remember anything tomorrow morning about this conversation, remember that manicuring your downtown fur will be one of the last things on your mind when you're a human being factory, months away from shooting a watermelon out of your business. Particularly things like worrying that you might pee your pants when you sneeze, or your arse blowing itself inside out for no reason. Things like that."

6 comments:

Del-V said...

FYI - I wouldn't offer you my seat on the subway but I would push you a little softer because you are preggers and all.

love, jenn said...

Well, I for one am glad she asked you such a sensible question... Seriously, what would your OB/GYN do if you didn't have a Brazilian complete with crystals and perhaps, a rattle manicured in??

love, jenn said...

BTW- I LOVE your Wishpot!!

Erin said...

SOPHIE the giraffe is SO cute. my friend's baby has one. the squeaker already broke.

Melissa Smith said...

Oh, Anne, can you PLEASE write a book if you ever have any time to?
Your version of 'What to Expect when you're Expecting' would be hilariously informative.

Jenn Hyjack said...

Ah yes I've been DYING for these posts!! Keep 'em comin!!

PS - watch my video with a little pregnant subway song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bexxk4-8_YE