The Artist

Doodle the Artist, posing in front of her photograph "Farm Bell."

NYC ~ August, 2008

Bills v Jets on Sunday: Time for a Re-Post!

My friend Mike generously offered to take me to the Bills v Jets game at the Meadowlands on Sunday. Since Mike's a Jet fan, we most likely will not be wandering over to the Bills' Tailgate, so here's a re-post on that glorious day of sunshine and a big Buffalo win. Sunday's forecast is rain, rain, rain, and the Bills, well, we all know the Bills aren't doing so well. But that which doesn't kill us makes us... not dead, so let's go, Buffalo!

The Back Room's at Ochi's Tomorrow: Come on Out

See me all live and up in your grill piece tomorrow night at Ochi's Lounge, yo!
2 words for you: Me. Free.

The Back Room!

Tomorrow's show features the following amazing talent:

• Poppi Kramer (Winner of NBC's The Biggest Loser)
• Michael Brill (Stand Up 360: Inside Out Film)
• Anne Altman (Mortified)
• Shawn Hollenbach (Logo's Gayest Week Ever)
• Paul Case (here! TV's Hot Gay Comics)
• With your always hilarious (and gorgeous) host, Jenny Rubin!

*** The Back Room ***
Ochi's Lounge @ Comix
Friday, October 16 @ 9 pm

People

A sat next to a dude on the subway today. I noticed him because he happened to be really enjoying his gum. Why chew your gum with your mouth closed and keep it to yourself when you can enjoy it with full force and share it with everyone via mouth open, lip smackin', teeth knackin' goodness?

At times like these I think about asking people like this guy, "How's the gum?"

But he wouldn't have heard me, as he was also enjoying his iPod.

I hope he has a great day.

The Lion, the Witch and the Bathtub

Wicked Witch of the Asswipes

Sexy Witch

Doodle, NYC ~ October, 2007

We haven't discussed what Doodle will be for Halloween this year. She's hoping it's a costume that doesn't encumber her movement and lets her sit near the radiator where the critter has been hiding. Something comfortable so she can jump into action when necessary to rip the critter to bloody shreds on my carpet. In a related story, Doodle managed to find the toilet for a pee pee last night and took a nice uneventful dump there as well this morning. It's a good day.

Doodle Wins Nobel Peace Prize

For staking out a critter which has been apparently hiding within the vicinity of the radiator for three days!

And for pissing in the corner of the bedrooom!

Twice!

Doodle, NYC ~ 2009

CONGRATULATIONS, DOODLE!

Texting with Tuna the Fish

Anne, October 6, 10:36 PM:

Al D'Amato is on NY1. By the way, you didn't die and not tell me, did you?

Tuna, October 6, 10:54 PM:

No, I'm very much alive. Today I realized I have one of the ten best "What are you lookin' at?" faces of all time.

Doodle Hears a Doo

Doodle, NYC ~ June 17, 2009

Some Two Can Anne readers have inquired recently about Doodle's photography, so I'll soon put up a gallery of images that are for sale. Doodle's pictures are printed and mounted on primed canvas and stretched on a wooden frame. The largest size available for quality resolution is approximately 8.5" x 11", and smaller sizes are an option too.

Doodle the Artiste poses with her photograph, "Shed." NYC~ August, 2008.


Doodle's art makes wonderful gifts, just ask Sans Pantaloons about his Doodle Original--The Vermont Sunrise Triptych!

Texting with Tuna the Fish

"Did you see where my life went?"

Tuna ~ September 26 2:59 PM

TWO CAN ANNE Ticket Contest: BURN THE FLOOR

Alrighty Dancing with the Stars enthusiasts, listen up:

I'm giving away TWO (2) tickets* to the tanned, toned, red, red hot Broadway show, BURN THE FLOOR! (a $89.50 - $126.50 value!)

BURN THE FLOOR: BALLROOM. REINVENTED.

And guess who joined the BURN THE FLOOR team? Your favorite, Carrie Ann Inaba! David Cote of Time Out New York calls the show "HEART POUNDING! SPLENDID DANCE AND GORGEOUS DANCERS!" You know it.

Contest rules: Please play the game only if you wish to win tickets to a Broadway show for yourself or someone you love/like, ayite? In this crap economy, we don't want a free fun time going to waste, do we? Of course we don't.

*These tickets are in voucher form, good for BURN THE FLOOR shows October 1 through October 31 on a "faxed come, faxed served" basis (vouchers are faxed with preferred dates at least 3 business days before the performance requested and confirmation will be faxed back wtihin 1 week prior to the performance requested.

Ready to play a game? Name That Machine!

Good luck and happy playing!

Looking In: Robert Frank's The Americans

I want to see this exhibit. Why? Because I'm an American. Who's with me?

Robert Frank- Parade ~ Hoboken, New Jersey, 1955. Gelatin silver print.

Copyright Robert Frank, from The Americans

Looking In: Robert Frank's The Americans

Metropolitan Museum of Art

Through January 3, 2010

Little House on the Prairie Style at Anne's House

I have no cable telelvision on my two crappy tv sets or internet on my beautiful new laptop because something is wrong. Or several things are wrong. Now I'm at a loss as how to properly kill time and waste my life.

How did people avoid face-to-face socialization, chores, and self-reflection back in the day?

Front Row at a Junk Show: Pupperty of the Penis

Rich Binning and Christopher J. Cannon

I never thought I'd say this (and I say a lot of stuff) but Puppetry of the Penis--a show where two dudes manipulate their genitals into objects d'art--is a delight.

Believe it!

I went to see Puppetry of the Penis last week at the theater at 45 Bleecker and was treated to a spot in the front row, basically center. Warm-up act and fellow comedian Rachel Feinstein cracked up the audience with her hysterical material and good thing she did, because minutes later there was to be full-frontal nudity that required heat for both audience and perfomers alike.

But don't misunderstand the concept of the show, Puppetry of the Penis ; it's not sexual or sordid. It's fun and silly. "Puppeteers" Rich Binning and Chris Cannon have wonderful stage presence from their training in theater, and it doesn't hurt they're both very easy on the eyes. Their skillful, playful crowd work was not only effective but necessary considering the fine line they straddle between entertaining and terrifying the audience. I mean, afterall, they're naked.

Oh, and they're also fully trained experts on their downtown origami.

Some highlights (from the basic to the more complicated)

the woman
the Brazilian woman
the brain
the hairy brain
the eye
the swollen thumb

and

the hamburger.

After a particularly challenging trick, they'd ask, "How's everyone copin'?"

Now that's pretty much all I want to write about POP because I don't want to give too much away. Plus, there's not much you can say about a dick trick show; one has to see it to believe it.

Go see Puppetry of the Penis before they go on their Canadian Tour!

Upcoming week's performances at 45 Bleecker:

• 
  Thu.Oct.1
  7:00PM
• 
  Fri.Oct.2
  7:00PM
• 
  Sat.Oct.3
  7:00PM

Tickets available here!

Enjoy the show, I know you will.

In the meantime, rock out with your cock out!

Just keep it clean, kids.

Duh

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, "Treat Me Right"

"Grace Potter and the Nocturnals performing 'Treat Me Right' at the 8x10 in Baltimore, MD on September, 14 2006. Video Produced by FarmersTan.com"

Doodle Avedon

"Where the My Wild Peeps Are"
Photograph by Doodle the Cat ~ Greensboro,VT ~ August, 2008

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

RIP, Lucy.

The Beatles, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

It's Always Doodle Time

Doodle, NYC ~ 10/30/06

He's Just Not That Into Her

Just a hunch; I don't think my friend likes kids. 

3rd Avenue near 30th Street, NYC ~ 9/10/2006

It's Apple Season!

 www.ebay.com

If you can't get to the orchard or greenmarket, Freshdirect's been having some good sales on local apples. This week: Gala. I bought 12. 

I Never Quite Understood This Craft Until Now

www.subversivecrossstitch.com

Seriously

Mimes Kill

Holy crap. 

TV Contestant and Self Proclaimed Preacher Brian Randone Kills Actress Girlfriend 

Hi. I'm Brian Randone. I'm not just a mime, torturer and a murderer who was a contestant on America's Sexiest Bachelor in 2000, but I'm also a Moody Bible Institute Graduate! Oh, and hit me up on myspace!

Tomorrow is Lumberjack Day!

That's right! Lumberjack Day is on September 26. How do you celebrate? With pancakes, silly!

• 
  
  How to celebrate


• 
  
  Where to celebrate

Want to make these Party in Your Mouth Pancakes for Lumberjack Day? Of course you do!

There's also a delightful video if you want to see how it's done.

Good Old-Fashioned Pancakes

Makes 12 pancakes

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons sugar

1 1/4 cups milk1 egg1 teaspoon vanilla extract2 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided

DIRECTIONS

1. In a medium bowl, sift together dry ingredients.
2. In a small bowl, whisk mix, egg, vanilla and 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil together. Add to dry ingredients and mix well.
3. Heat remaining vegetable oil on a griddle or skillet over medium-high heat. Scoop batter out in 1/4 cup increments. When pancakes get bubbly, dry around the edges and lightly browned on the bottom, flip over and cook the other side until lightly browned, about 3-4 minutes.

For more information about Lumberjack Day, visit lumberjackday.net.
Written by and starring: Jess Hulett

Producer: Mike Stickle

Editor: Jennifer Hobdy

Food Photographer: Anita Aguilar
Executive Producer: Pamela CanalesExecutive Producer: Karen JackovichExecutive Producer and Creator: Mike Stickle

All food photography by Anita Aguilar. All photographs of Jessica Hulett by Linus Gelber.

Lumberjack Day also has a comic book! And my peep Marianne Ways (co-founder of Lumberjack Day) will be at the Small Press Expo in Bethesda, Maryland this weekend with copies for sale!

So get on your flannels, whip up your pancakes, and celebrate Lumberjack Day lumberjack style.

Who doesn't love a holiday? Especially a new one where you celebrate in flannel face down in a pile of flapjacks? 

Fatal Promises Showing Tonight at Chelsea's New SVA Theater

Fatal Promises is an amazing, gripping, and terrifying documentary about modern-day slavery, otherwise known as human trafficking. Directed and produced by my friends Kat Rohrer and Tom Greenman, it's showing tonight at the SVA Theater on 333 West 23rd Street in Chelsea. Fatal Promises isn't the feel-good flick of the summer, but it might be the most important.

Can You Spare a Dime? Help a College Kid!

I'm posting this on behalf of my pal Antoinette. If you possibly have a dollar burning a hole in your pocket and want to put it to a good cause instead of spending it on Cheetos at the vending machine, consider donating it to Kayla. Not only is she a smart cookie, she's a cutie pie.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep a Student in College

Kayla Johnson is currently attending the University of Maryland; her goal is to become a Bio-Chemical Engineer. She graduated from a science school in Brooklyn and was ranked number 20 in her class, her GPA was 3.9 and she was class Vice President. Her future is so bright. Six months ago it seemed all financial requirements were met so she could attend school, but life has taken a turn, and now she has to pay for her own education so she is working part time in addition to attending school full time. While she was able to get some financial aid and take out a student loan (the dollar amount was limited for first-year students) it is not enough to cover her tuition. She has a deadline of October 1, 2009 to pay $3,900. Please help Kayla stay in school. Donations can be made directly to the University of Maryland

https://www.umd.edu/bursar/t_payMethods.html

(scroll down to "Pay Online Here) on behalf of Kayla Johnson number 110768708.

Any amount donated is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!!!

Love,
Kayla's Mom

A Doodle Classic

Doodle, NYC ~ Circa 2000

My Dog's Cuter Than Your Dog

Doodle, NYC ~ 6/1/2007

Pimpin' My Peeps

My pals Claudia Cogan, Lisa Kaplan, Shawn Hollenbach and Wendy Ho are taking their show on the road---this time to a place called New Jersey. Heard of it? Terrific! Oh, you live there? Even better, because these kids are hilarious. True. I get to see them all the time in NYC, so if you have to live in New Jersey, now they're coming to you. In New Jersey. You're welcome!

Select NYC comics head to Somerset, NJ's renowned gay cabaret and nightclub The Den. It's not just special because of the great lineup or the french restaurant next door, it's special because we're taking NJ Transit. 

Lineup: Lisa Kaplan (here! tv), Shawn Hollenbach (Logo), Wendy Ho (Showtime) and Claudia Cogan (around). 

The Den 
700 Hamilton Street 
Somerset NJ 08873
$15 adv / $20 door
www.citylinecomedy.com

Happy 60th Birthday, Bruce!

Bruce Springsteen

Remember the Beach?

Fire Island, NY ~June 29, 2009

Texting with Tuna the Fish

Tuna, 9:40 pm: "To blow your brains out, press 5."

Anne, 9:41 pm: "Line's jammed."

Word

"To be uncertain is uncomfortable, but to be certain is ridiculous."

-Chinese proverb

Congrats, Buffalo Bills!

1986

You pulled it off today like we knew you could! Even when you couldn't, so you didn't, but this time you did, and we believed in you! We no likey. We lovey! Keep it up! Go Bills!

bills 30 bucs 20

The Bills Make Me Want to Shout

with frustration:




I either need to watch the Bills while jumping around on this thing or deck this kid. Or both.  

Look, a Wagon Wheel!

Oh, it's definitely time for Timer.

"Hanker for a Hunk of Cheese"

Mad Men Contest: Joan Holloway by Anya Garrett

Hi, kids! I love my pal Anya Garrett and I love the show Mad Men and guess what? Ms. Anya has submitted a video to the Mad Men Contest, and it's been chosen as an Editor's Pick!

You can view it here. It's hot!

If you dig it, vote for it!

Best of luck, Anya! 

Kiss Doodle's Ass Day is Brought to You by Doodle

Doodle, NYC ~ April, 2007

Ebay

During the feng shui-ing of my shiz process, I'm getting rid of the crap I've accumulated in my life by hocking it on eBay for extra dough. Most of the crap I've accumulated in my life I purchased on eBay, so it's about giving back, really, isn't it?

Did you know that a pair of expensive, ugly, comfortable, ergonomic shoes (www.sasshoes.com.) will receive as many hits, watchers, lurkers and bids as a pair of expensive, sexy, uncomfortable, foot-deforming shoes (www.salvatoreferragamo.it/)? 

It's true. 

So let the bidding war begin, fashionistas and senior citizens!

Have at it! We all win!

Another Proud Moment Here at Two Can Anne

Some poor soul Googled:

toilet overflowed and turds floating 

And that query brought them here to this fine blog and this particular post. 

I'm so proud. Beaming. 

Thanks, Doodle. 

My Name is Champagne and I'm Calling from the Windy City

Rockmaster Scott & The Dynamic 3 - Request Line. 1984

You're welcome.

Lunch Is: The Most Delicious Salad I Ever Had

Primary ingredients:

sour cream

chipotle mayonnaise

Secondary ingredients:

Doritos

cheddar cheese

Tertiary ingredients:

iceberg lettuce bits

shred of red cabbage

radish slice 

dignity

TWO CAN ANNE Ticket Contest: Puppetry of the Penis!

Ok, kids. Are you ready for the THIRD installment of my ticket giveaway contest? Sure you are!

I'm giving away TWO (2) tickets* to the show Puppetry of the Penis!

Who doesn't love puppetry? Who doesn't love peen? Ok, people might not love either on their own, but together, apparently:

"Sends audience members into hysterics!" - The New York Times

"Comedic Brilliance!" -Time Out NY

"Dementedly Good Fun!" -Vanity Fair

Contest rules: Please play the game only if you wish to win tickets to a Broadway show for yourself or someone you love/like, ayite? In this crap economy, we don't want a free fun time going to waste, do we? Of course we don't.

*These tickets are in voucher form, good for a Puppetry of the Penis show September 14 to October 3 on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays @ 7 pm on a "faxed come, faxed served" basis (vouchers are faxed with preferred dates at least 7 business days before the performance requested and confirmation will be faxed back within 3 business days.

And without further adieu, let's play a game!

The Game: Let's Answer a Question!

How long is Doodle's tail?

Doodle, NYC ~ April, 2007

Somebody Looked at My Enchilada

Listen up, hungry cheapies with whom I share a refrigerator on this floor:



Just because you're a hungry cheapie, doesn't mean you can look at my enchilada.



It looks just like the picture on the front of the box, ok?

Now that you've looked, wouldn't you agree?

Get your own damn enchilada.

Freakin' Bills!

Sigh. 

Because they the Buffalo Bills their season opener to the Patriots--in a game where they had a healthy, wealthy lead--by acting stupid, I think it's only right if we turn this tragedy into something positive by clicking here. 

Football stresses me out, man. It's too much. Too much! Too much for players, too much for spectators. It's only healthy for those who don't watch it. 

Come on, Bills! Get. It. Together.

Whiskers 'n Pearls

Doodle, NYC ~ October 11, 2006

RIP Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze dead at 57. 

Swayze was an amazing dancer, a good actor and (from what I've read about him) such an all-around decent dude. 

With so many dicks in Hollywood it seems an extra shame to lose a quality gem like Patrick so soon.

RIP, Mr. Swayze.

Kanye West Isn't a Dick

He's a misunderstood dick.

Ehh, he's just a dick. 

Buffalo Bills Rock Pile to the Ralph Ice Cream by Perry's

Celebrating 50 years of the Buffalo Bills !

Buffalo Bills Rock Pile to the Ralph from Perry's Ice Cream

Stats:

Buffalo Bills Rock Pile to the Ralph Perry's Ice Cream is proud to support our hometown team, the Buffalo Bills, and offer you this ice cream in recognition of the Bills 50th season. From their start at War Memorial Stadium, affectionately known as the Rock Pile, to their present day home in Ralph Wilson Stadium, the Bills have provided our community with 50 years of Fandamonium. Rock Pile to the Ralph features vanilla ice cream with caramel swirls, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered peanuts, and praline peanuts. Look for this exciting new flavor in Spring 2009!

If you like Buffalo Bills Rock Pile to the Ralph, wait until you taste Buffalo Bills Brownie Blitz.

Availability:
Grocery Stores - April through September

Nutritional Facts:Serving Size 1/2 cup (70g)
Amount Per Serving
Calories 170
Calories from Fat 70

% Daily Value % Daily Value
Total Fat 8g 12 % Total Carbohydrate 22g 7 %
Saturated Fat 4.5g 23 % Dietary Fiber 0g 0 %
Trans Fat 0g Sugars 19g
Cholesterol 25mg 8 %
Sodium 80mg 3 % Protein 3g

Vitamin A 6 % Calcium 8 %
Vitamin C 0 % Iron 0 %

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs:

Calories 2,000 2,500
Total Fat Less than 65g 80g
Sat Fat Less than 20g 35g
Cholesterol Less than 300mg 300mg
Sodium Less than 2,400mg 2,400mg
Total Carbohydrate 300g 375g
Dietary Fiber 25g 30g

Allergens
CONTAINS MILK, SOY, WHEAT, PEANUT, TREE NUT (COCONUT)

Gluten
CONTAINS GLUTEN

Ingredients
MILK, CREAM, CORN SYRUP, LIQUID SUGAR, CARAMEL SAUCE [CORN SYRUP, SUGAR, WATER, NONFAT MILK SOLIDS, BUTTER (CREAM, SALT), MOLASSES, SALT, PECTIN], SKIM MILK, BUTTERMILK, NUTZ BLEND {SUGAR, ROASTED PEANUTS (PEANUTS, SALT PEANUT AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL), PRETZEL [ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMINE MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN), PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL, SALT, CORN SYRUP, YEAST, BAKING SODA], PEANUTS, WHOLE MILK POWDER, COCOA BUTTER, CHOCOLATE LIQUOR, WATER, COCONUT OIL, NATURAL FLAVOR, SOY LECITHIN, BUTTER (CREAM, SALT), NATURAL COCOA, CORN SYRUP, SALT}, MILKFAT, WHEY, WATER, VANILLA EXTRACT, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, CELLULOSE GUM, GUAR GUM, CARRAGEENAN, DEXTROSE.

Stuff That Was Good in 1964: The Buffalo Bills

They might not be so good today, but they're technically the only NY football team (Jets, Giants play in Jerz, yo) so let's give 'em a little respect, huh? Viva Western New York!

Highlight film of the 1964 AFL Champions Buffalo Bills. Part 1 of 4 via youTube.

Lou Saban (1921-2009) R.I.P.
Jack Kemp (1935-2009) R.I.P.


Go, Bills!


Buffalo Bills v New England Patriots
Tonight, Monday, September 14, 2009

Sears Portrait Doodie-O

Doodle, The Dumont Affinia Hotel, NYC ~ 2007

Wine, Women or Song? The Broads Have It

wine
4 (28%)

women
7 (50%)

song
3 (21%)

My Hair Looks Amazing Tonight

As I watch COPS and other assorted free mind-numbing entertainment products on television.

Live and Let Live Down with Fuzz

"Blue Boy", Dragnet. Starring Jack Webb and Harry Morgan, 1960's

Catherine Zeta-Jones Turns 40... Again

40? Good one!

www.marriedtothesea.com

You Burned All Your Life Lines on Stupid Shit, Joe

I like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire more than I like COPS but not as much as I like Judge Judy. 

Live Coverage of September 11, 2009

NYC ~ Site of the former WTC, September 11, 2009

View from One Liberty Plaza's raindropped window of those gathered around the reflecting pool. It's sad down here. 

Two Can Anne Ticket Giveaway Contest: Name That Gathering!

Ok, kids. Are you ready for the second installment of my ticket giveaway contest? Sure you are! I'm giving away TWO (2) tickets* to the acid-washed, Aqua-Netted, wine cooler-fueled and totally rockin'80's flashback Broadway show, ROCK OF AGES! ($58.50 - $127.50 value!)

Contest rules: Please play the game only if you wish to win tickets to a Broadway show for yourself or someone you love/like, ayite? In this crap economy, we don't want a free fun time going to waste, do we? Of course we don't.

*These tickets are in voucher form, good for ROCK OF AGES shows 8/31/09-11/1/09 on a "faxed come, faxed served" basis (vouchers are faxed with preferred dates at least 3 business days before the performance requested and confirmation will be faxed back wtihin 1 week prior to the performance requested.

ROCK OF AGES!
Brooks Atkinson Theater
256 West 47th Street (btn 8th and Broadway)

And without further adieu, let's play a game! Name that gathering!

Good luck and happy playing!

How's Work Today, Folks?

www.earlyofficemuseum.com

Image of the Victoria Copying Machine, 1913

Back to School Advice from Dr. Steve Brule

John C. Reilly as Dr. Steve Brule.
Brule's Rules, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Performed by
Johhny Cash and Kris Kristofferson

"Sunday Morning Coming Down" Written by
Kris Kristofferson

Well I woke up Sunday morning,
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes,
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
An' I shaved my face and combed my hair,
An' stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

I'd smoked my brain the night before,
On cigarettes and songs I'd been pickin'.
But I lit my first and watched a small kid,
Cussin' at a can that he was kicking.
Then I crossed the empty street,
'n caught the Sunday smell of someone fryin' chicken.
And it took me back to somethin',
That I'd lost somehow, somewhere along the way.

On the Sunday morning sidewalk,
Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cos there's something in a Sunday,
Makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
On the sleepin' city sidewalks:
Sunday mornin' comin' down.

In the park I saw a daddy,
With a laughin' little girl who he was swingin'.
And I stopped beside a Sunday school,
And listened to the song they were singin'.
Then I headed back for home,
And somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringin'.
And it echoed through the canyons, 
Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday.

On the Sunday morning sidewalk,
Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cos there's something in a Sunday,
Makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
On the sleepin' city sidewalks:
Sunday mornin' comin' down.

Do do do do do do do do,
Do do do do do do do,
Do do do do do do do do,
Do do do do do do do.

Feng Shui-Ing My Shiz

After watching a few episodes of Hoarders on A&E, I'm back to tossing out the junk, folks. To manage your junk accumulation, the feng shui experts suggest you throw out 9 things a day. This morning I got up at 7 to tackle my toiletry closet and boxes of plastic jewelry. How many eyeliner sharpeners do I need? 5? 6? No. At most, two. And these days, with the effort I'm putting into my face, the actual number is most likely zero, but let's not give up hope yet. How many almost-out- of- Chap-Stick Chap-Sticks do I need? None. How many ill-fitting bangle costume bracelets do I need? None. The next step in this process will be to pitching the superfluous caca on ebay in a "mixed bag lot" listing. Let's just hope I don't bid on my own crap.

Two Can Anne Ticket Giveaway Contest: Name That Machine!

Alrighty folks! To kick off the Labor Day Holiday Weekend, I'm giving away TWO (2) tickets* to the acid-washed, Aqua-Netted, wine cooler-fueled and totally rockin'80's flashback Broadway show, ROCK OF AGES! ($58.50 - $127.50 value!)

Contest rules: Please play the game only if you wish to win tickets to a Broadway show for yourself or someone you love/like, ayite? In this crap economy, we don't want a free fun time going to waste, do we? Of course we don't.


*These tickets are in voucher form, good for ROCK OF AGES shows 8/31/09-11/1/09 on a "faxed come, faxed served" basis (vouchers are faxed with preferred dates at least 3 business days before the performance requested and confirmation will be faxed back wtihin 1 week prior to the performance requested.

ROCK OF AGES!

Brooks Atkinson Theater

256 West 47th Street (btn 8th and Broadway)

And without further adieu, let's play a game!

Name that machine!





Good luck, kids, and happy playing!

The House of Doodle

Doodle, NYC ~ September, 2008

Tonight! Mortified NYC's Back to School Edition @ Le Poisson Rouge

Mortified! Live, up in your grill, with all that back-to-school teen angst you remember (and have desperately been trying to forget). So whether you need to dust off that Trapper Keeper, get your erasable pens in order, fill your lunch box, peg your jeans, or cram your Le Sportsac with Bonne Bell (and blue mascara), do what you've gotta do to come on down and share the shame with us!

Mortified!

Thursday

September 3, 2009

7 pm

Le Poisson Rouge

158 Bleecker Street

NYC

$15 

2 drink minimum (thankfully not maximum!)

WWW.GETMORTIFIED.COM

Hosted by Anne Altman

Featuring authentic mortifying teen crap from:


Brandy Barber!

Jon Friedman!

Angel Yau!

Michael Cyril Creighton!

Mindy Raf!

Andrea Crossman!

&

Tom Shillue!

2 good 2 B 4 gotten!

2getha 4eva!

B there or B square!

www.getmortified.com

Texting with Tuna the Fish

" 'Roses are Dead: My Story.' That's the new title of my autobiography."

Tuna ~ October 17, 2008, 8:27 am

I Like to Pimp My Accomplished Friends' Accomplishments

My pal Fitzy (Nick Stevens) brings his Masshole A-Game to NESN for a brand-new quiz show he hosts called Pocket Money. Ironically, I happened to be at Fenway for Game 1 of Bosox / Chisox the very night Fitzy did this very interview and saw him there in all his Fitzyness on Yawkey Way with my favorite Red Sock--and recent Hall of Fame Inductee-- Jim Rice. Check it out here! Go, Fitzy! And as always, Go Sox.

You Know You Miss Her

Doodle, NYC ~ February, 2009

Reason #598 Why My Sister is the Greatest

Whipcreamy, Santa Barbara, CA ~ Circa 2005

One of my favorite pictures of lil' Whip.

Reason #597 Why My Sister is the Greatest

Whipcreamy @ In-N-Out Burger, Long Beach, CA ~ circa 2005

Sure, They're Crossing the Street Together, but Are They Happy?

Near the Chelsea Hotel, NYC ~ January 30, 2009