Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Collyer Brothers of Harlem

Alright, it's probably something I should work out with my therapist, but Two Can Anne's got a hoarding problem. There. I said it. Maybe the first step is in admission, and AA's got something goin for it other than having the same initials as yours truly. Ok, look--I keep stuff. And by keeping stuff, I mean, I rarely throw it out. I pitch a lot, but not enough. Schoolwork from first grade? Got it. Will be valuable one day.

But here's the thing, I just looked for something that I can't find and in the meantime realized how much stuff I don't need to have, but have a hard time throwing out! I can't put Snoopy in the garbage? I know he's only a Christmas ornament free with a box of chocolates you got at last year's Secret Santa, but what if he starves? I know he's plastic, but he's a dog. With a face. You can't throw something with a face away! It looks at you! So I sit with this ornament I don't need, nor want, yet I can't dump without massive guilt, and it is killing me. Anyone want a free plastic Snoopy Christmas tree ornament? TAKE IT, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so here's what I'm afraid of, plus 60 cats or so. You do the math. I smell pee.

Oh, my future was supposed to be better!

Boooo!

6 comments:

Peter Matthes said...

It says that they had booby traps?

Do you have booby traps?

Berry said...

Y.A.R.D. S.A.L.E.!!!

I like to thin things out so much that I sell stuff I'm still using. Someone walked up to my stuff during a sale once and asked if I had a toaster. I walked inside, unplugged my so-so toaster and sold it for $5. Then I bought a new one for $12.

I didn't say it made any sense.

anne altman said...

you're a minimalist: love it

daveawayfromhome said...

You should see my garage.

A few weeks ago I asked this question: If you discovered that you had to move in two days (or something) and all you could take with you was one 8-foot U-haul trailer worth of stuff, what would you take?

This was as much a thought exercise about what I could get rid of in the garage as anything. Answer: almost all of it.

Valerie said...

YIKES!!!! You should go to that address and check out the house. And take a pix of it and print it and save it. :P

Ok, just sent me a jpg of the house. I want to see the outside.

My condo is as big as an 8 foot u-haul, so I could take my whole house. :D

Carolyn said...

Yo - I live in Harlem and I just give all my shit to the nuns. It'll be easy to give Snoopy away if you give him to God.

Besides, all dogs go to heaven.

BHOOOOOWRL!