The Bad News and The Good News

So I've got bad news and good news. I always like to hear the bad news first, and I suppose most people do too, so I'll start by telling you that I did not win the $212 million dollar lotto jackpot last night. I know, I was just as surprised as you. I went to bed early all excited like a kid on Christmas Eve, and to wake up to this shit was seriously disappointing. Naturally, I was bummed out most of the day. Then suddenly the good news revealed itself, and my heart rose: Nobody else won either! Yeah! High fives!?!?! Do I find happiness in others' misfortune? Sure, maybe sometimes--who doesn't? It depends. Fuck 'em, you know? Anyway, so now there's 256 million smackaroos on the line, and I have a new lease on life. And I'm feeling so good about Tuesday's drawing, that I just threw that box of black socks away. Fuck it, you know? I'll be rolling in thousands of pairs of new black socks on Wednesday. I'm going to go out later and buy a few tickets tonite. Get a jump on things. But right now, I'm watching this awesome t.v. show on polygamy, rape, incest, and murder--hosted by none other than A&E's dashing and intoxicating Bill Curtis-- and I cannot tear myself away. Ok, you're probably asking yourselves, "Is this how a pending multi-millionaire spends her last Saturday night as a $20 dollars-an-hour-aire?" Yes, it is. Because next week I'll be able to buy Bill Curtis and have him narrate the show to me anytime I want in my own damn livingroom. Which is going to be totally redecorated, by the way.