Thursday, July 31, 2008
Thank You, Facebook!
Oh...Um...Henry? Henry. Sure. It must be 20 years. How did you get my...
Yeah I facebooked you the other day? What's goin' on, Jim! Jimbo! Good ol' Jimbo! 'Member me?
Um, sure. Yep. Homeroom, 1977. I remember. So...
So what are you doing? What have you been up to, Jim?
Well, ah, Kate and I are just about to put the kids to bed, and we're cleaning up after dinner... Um. You? So, what are ...you doing these days? Do you have kids?
Actually, I'm in jail.
Jail? You're in jail?
Yeah, Jimbo. I'm kind of in a bind.
Oh, wow. So...what...happened?
Well, I took the bus today and sat next to a young guy sleeping with his head against the window.
And, well, somewhere between Edmonton and Winnipeg, I cut his head off.
Jimbo? Jim? JIMBO? JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Cool as a Cucumber but Hot as Balls
- Doodle in one piece
- Doodle's camera in one piece
- 15 amazing shots of Doodle's Vermont Vacation from her perspective
I Invite You to Take a Dump on My Sofa
"Lovely" floral print chair and sofa covers breathe new life into tired old furniture and cover up soiled upholstery. 100% polyester throws are fringed all around and have non-skid foam backings. Machine wash. Made in the USA.
Available in colors: Green (GRN), Beige (BGE), Brown (BRN), Rose (ROS) or Blue (BLUE)
Available in sizes: Love Seat (70" x 120"), Sofa (70" x 140") or Large Sofa (70" x 170")
Floral Bouquet Furniture Covers
- Large Sofa Cover
There Will be Pie
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Hey, Shorty, It's Almost My Birthday
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
We've Got a Pill for ED But Is There Hope for Folks with PD?
A common personality problem for men and women characterized by the consistent inability to communicate effectively or interestingly or the inability to "bring anything to the table" during an existing conversation and kill it, or both. Personality dysfuction can vary. It can involve a total inability to have anything to say, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief, awkward conversations. Personality dysfunction is also called "annoying."
Save the Dates: Mortified
- Monday, August 25, 8pm~ Summer's Over "Back to School" Edition
- Monday, October 20, 8 pm
- Monday, December 15, 8 pm
Pencil us in and check us out! And remember, if you or someone you know has the urge to share their mortifiying teen crap (diaries, journals, poems, song lyrics, school assignments, audio/video and more) onstage for total strangers (it's cathartic!), please go to www.getmortified.com. We're always looking for new submissions.
Yours in angst,
Doodle's 9 Lives and Beyond 9th Birthday BLOWGANZA in Vermont!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Keith Walendowski: Another One of Anne's Heroes
"Keith Walendowski is accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said 'I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."
A Note From Adam Wade
I sure hope you all can beat the heat and make it to the BIG show this Saturday!
It's an ALL STAR LINEUP and I will be giving away... FREE DONUTS!!!!!!
Saturday July 26th
'The Adam Wade From NH Show'
332 E. 11th St.
New York , NY
BIG JAKE GOLDMAN
THE GREAT BRYAN TUCKER
(writer for SNL, Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, The Chris Rock Show and Chappelle's Show, Mad TV)
Triple A, AWESOME ANNE ALTMAN
MR LEGEND HIMSELF, RITCH DUNCAN
currently writing LIVING WITH LYCANTHROPY: A Lifestyle Guide for the Modern Werewolf, with Bob Powers,
which provides newly infected werewolves with a workable road map for living an ethical, fulfilling, and near-violence free life through chapters such as How to Tell When the Moon is Full, Avoiding Detection, and So You’ve Attacked Someone, to Becky Cole at Broadway.
Friday, July 25, 2008
from married to the sea
For Soon-to-Be-Betrothed Whip with Love Always from Ubi
Look Out the Window: Hollywood is Here
Thursday, July 24, 2008
This is What a Piece of Work Looks Like
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride in 1924
RIP, Estelle Getty!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Oh, Like I Couldn't Eat a Million Blueberries?
Who's Weird You or Me?
Doodle's Vermont Photography Project
Some folks have expressed interest in Doodle's potential to be a phenomenal photographer. She roams wild and free up in Vermont (radius is unknown at present, Cat GPS is next on the wishlist, though she is implanted with an ID chip in case she goes missing) killing defenseless creatures in her path. If you're one of those folks who wishes to contribute to her photography project by being an Any Amount Investor ($1 and up) in her $60 cat camera, see sidebar at right in order to do so. Deadline is August 1.
Pro: Potential amazing pics from Doodle's perspective with her very own camera.
Con: Potential risk of camera loss, as Doodle has delved deep into the puckerbrush and has come back home sans collar on more than once occasion.
Conclusion: In my opinion, worth the risk.
She's a Maniac, Maniac in the Store
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Kindergarten Cute: If You Were Born in 1946, This is Your Life
Christian Bale Arrested on Assault Charges
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ode to the Chick With the Fat Ass in the Blue Cotton Knit Dress
I've only known you a minute or two
What Do Your Dreams Mean If You Dream About Decapitated Cat Heads?
I'll Be at the Subway Inn--Gimme a Ring
Anne's Mad About Mad Men on AMC
Sunday, July 20, 2008
DOODLE'S GOIN' TO SUMMER CAMP!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you all again, dear readers! Doodle thanks you too. I told her she's going away in a few weeks, but she doesn't seem to give a shit at present.
Eric Clapton with Marcy Levy. The Core. From the album Slowhand.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gym
"Grand Central, please," they told the cab driver.
Grand Central? You could see Grand Central from where we were standing. Grand Central? Grand Central? Really? Grand Central! Grand Central is 8 blocks away!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Stephen King Loves AC/DC Too You Know
Who Made Who by AC/DC ~ scenes from Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive
I'm Going to the Gym Today
Matt Pays For Things in Pennies
Friday, July 18, 2008
Summer Fridays Mean
Shane From the Mailroom Gives the Dark Knight Two Thumbs Up, a Head Shake, and a Fist Pound
Compliments of Sans Pantaloons
It's Raining Workin' Men in Philadelphia
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I'd Like to See You in My Office Please
Things That Ping Around in Andy Roddick's Dome Piece
Topless tennis star Andy Roddick apparently lives in my friend Petey's Manhattan neighborhood. Petey saw him walking down the street one day with his backwards baseball hat and hot girlfriend and some other dude, and he decided to quicken his pace to get behind them and see what a snippet of Andy Roddick's conversation is all about.
And this, my friends, is what it's all about:
Andy: (to girlfriend, whom he has his arm around):
"So this girl totally wanted me and I was like, ppppfffffffffff whatever!"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
D.F.A.F: Doodle's Fresh Air Fund
See, when you make a donation by clicking the PayPal button in the sidebar at right, not only to you get the satisfaction of making the dream of Doodle Goes to Camp a reality for a restless 7 pound terrorist cooped up in a spacious midtown apartment this shiteous economy (Jet Blue charges $100 each way for a pet stowed under your seat--up fifty beans from last year), you're getting Doodle off my jock for awhile. Love her to death, TO DEATH! But man, is she annoying when she's bored. And let me tell you, she's fucking bored. I just can't take the meowing. The lying around, the moping, the meowing. I've enjoyed a lousy five minute break from the annoying when she caught in midair (and immediately ate) the two stray flies that got in here. Then there's what she did to my houseplant. Then I've got to annoy her back by putting hats and wigs on her and take her picture she just hates that, and then we end up fighting. Look, bitch wants to go out and kill, okay? Let her kill! Please, won't you help her kill? Just a $1. Every $1 helps Doodle torture and kill, kill (or just torture and then it eventually dies) another defenseless creature, every $1 helps her eat another blade of grass, every $1? Another rewarding crap in the great outdoors.
Doodle and I thank you in advance--every bean counts!
Send $2.00 For a Set of 4x5s of Roger and Receive the "69" Jaguar Catalogue Free
The Yankees Make Me Sick Too, Kid
Anne's Diet Today
- 1 cup Cheerios with skim milk
- 1 cup of black coffee
- 1 grilled Swiss cheese on whole wheat with tomato and grilled onions
- 1 side of onion rings with ketchup
- 1 iced tea
- 1 slice of vegetable pizza
- 1 diet Sprite
- 1 mailbox
- 1 cup of ball bearings
- 1 lawn chair
- 1 house fly (accidental)
Doodle Does Her Best Thinking on the Bathroom Floor
Buffalo's Own Bob Lanier
Bob Lanier, St. Bonaventure University graduate (Go, Bonnies!) and NBA hall of famer, required the largest size basketball shoe of any player during his career with the Detroit Pistons and Milwaukee Bucks. Guess his shoe size sans Google:
Have I Told You Lately How Much I Love Abraham Lincoln?
"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being" -Abraham Lincoln
Al Fresco Dining a la Philly
Monday, July 14, 2008
Ann Carr Stars in Samantha Brown's New Commercial
Additional Seating Upstairs
Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLVVVMMVMV
Let's Move to Plymouth, Shall We?
Lite Bite, Makin' Things With Light
Sunday, July 13, 2008
from married to the sea. duh.