Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLMMVMXMMVM

Remember this crappy series? Well, it's wedding season, folks! And the perfect time for a re-introduction. Enjoy.

Weird Wedding Photos

40 acres of tulle and a mule.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MLVMMVMCVVL

California woman shortage you say? One box of hot French broads comin' right up.

Weird Wedding Party Gifts Part II

Thank you for coming to our wedding. Please accept this token of thanks to remind you of the day the bride's head went up in flames. T'was a very sad day. Never forget. 'Member? What? YOU FORGOT ALREADY?

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLCMVMVMVV

"Isn't my bouquet gorgeous? All the money I saved on shoulders I spent on the flowers."

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLMMLLVMVV

This photo disturbs me in so many ways that I need a minute collect myself.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLCMMVMVVV

Please, I so sorry the interruption, I invite you to watch please I play violin on bread please. Now, give me money and I bless you, or you suffer curse worse than herpes on eyeballs. Ok? Please.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MLVMCCVMCV

Ok...Don't look now, but is there a super creepy guy standing behind me with a gloved hand on my shoulder?

Speaking of weddings and gloves, we recently had a discussion in the office about wedding rings. Greenberg was pestering another fella about why he doesn't wear his wedding ring, and he was explaining that it nothing to do with fidelity, it's just that he's not a ring guy. Not a jewelry guy. I can understand this, because despite their bizarre and wonderful 40 years of marriage and commitment, my folks aren't wedding ring folks. They own wedding rings, and keep them in the respective jewelry repository accoutrement on their dressers, but for whatever reason, whether it be comfort or size (as in my Dad's case, someone always working on cars, or my Mom's case: someone who has thankfully--but to her chagrin--gained a few pounds since her 96 lb wedding day) my parents haven't been into rings. One day, I asked my Mom about the lack of ring thing, and she told me the story of some friend from the club who was at the gym one day showering after a workout. She needed to adjust the plastic shower curtain, and while she was messing with it, she slipped. The wedding ring on her finger got caught on one of the clips, and as she fell, the shower curtain ring which was snag on her wedding ring literally de-gloved her finger. Let's just say that there was a lawsuit, and I understand why folks don't wear wedding rings. Live and let live, folks. Do whatever you need to do. I just want you to be happy. Can't we just be happy?

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLMMVMVMVV

I've heard you're supposed to play dead if you're attacked by zombies. And it's recommended that you pay special attention to cover your head, because they're after your brain. Zombies are easily destroyed by fire, apparently, so extra gasoline on hand helps too. Good luck.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MLVMMVMCV

Bride: I'm think that if you girls wear bright Lilly Pulitzer designs and funky necklaces it'll distract the eye and draw less attention to the fact that we're all hopelessly hideous. Thoughts?

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLLCMVCCM

Goodness, gracious, great balls of borscht!

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLLVVMMVMV

Manniecar Dagpin Senillo & George Spiller

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLCMMVMVM

Awkwardly standing with you in this ill-fitting rented tuxedo on this linoleum floor, in front of this unlit fireplace, in this depressing vacant room as we recite our weddng vows, I have never loved you more.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLVVVMMVMV

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLLMMMVMV

Look what I found on the VH1's Best Week Ever archives?

That's right, a cake made to look like the bride. The always hilarious Michelle Collins writes about it here.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCVMMVMVL

Colorizing old family photos: interesting idea.

Converting them into a creepy scene from Teletubbies: good idea?

Weird Wedding Photos Part MCLMMVLCMV

Officiant: The bride just told you she's never blowing you again. Care to comment?

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVVMMCVLLMMV

What a layup this one was. Two points and the foul.

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLCMMVMC

"Good thing I got finally married before my uterus fell out...Whoops, nevermind, there it goes."

Weird Wedding Photos Part MVLCMMVMC

"I love her, man. She makes me shoot rainbows out of my head. And my ass."