Dying Young's No Good, But Growing Old is Tricky

I just returned from Walgreen's, and I still can smell the old lady perfume worn by an old lady I encountered as our carts intersected here and there during our respective shopping. I understand that sometimes as an old lady (or old man) you may smell like pee, (a tough scent for anyone to stomach) therefore, you powder up with a cologne. But is there a rule that after age 75 or whatever you're relegated to Eau de Old Lady and that's it? I'm not saying that every teen girls' favorite Love's Baby Soft would be appropriate, but maybe something a bit less pungent and stale? I don't know.

I solemnly swear to you, dear public, that if I make it to 75, I will not assault your noses with such revolting toiletry products. Or walk around with "old lady open mouth" catchin' flies and debris. I'm going to do my best, anyway. Whether it means I badger anyone willing to speak to me to give me a scent recommendation and/or use a few pieces of strategically placed tape on the old jaws to keep my pie hole shut. Whatever it takes.

I'm going to try, anyway.

More likely, I'll end up a diapered, wig wearin', muttering, smelly, old open-mouthed broad with lipstick on her teeth, but a girl can dream, right?