Giada De Laurentiis Gives Birth, Eats Baby

"It was delicious!" said De Laurentiis. Sources say the baby girl was smothered in a balsamic reduction punctuated with cilantro and hints of onion. Poor kid didn't have a chance.

Read more about Giada here.

Giada, Giada, Giada

Dear Men In My Life Who Are Obsessed With Giada De Laurentis:

Shut up already with all the drooling and the oogling and the “Giada Giada Giada” and the face an inch from the television when her shows are on the Food Network, all under the guise of learning new recipes. Ok? I mean, please. You don't even cook. Standing in front of the refrigerator in your boxers stuffing a rolled up piece of turkey and slice of cheese in your mouth does not justify you spending hours a week watching a show about preparing meals.

Is she hot? Yes.

Does she have huge distracting cans? Yes.

Does she make gross sexy annoying mouth noises when she’s perkily chopping/tasting/slow roasting/shopping for food? Yes.

Since you can’t get enough of her, Doodle wants to enlighten you with a detail you may have overlooked: If Giada spends that much time preparing, eating and enjoying all those meals, (while making all of those annoying mouth noises) then Giada spends a lot of time in the john taking huge dumps.

So, why don’t you chew on that for awhile, huh, fellas? Great. Thanks. Bye.