Want to See More Me?

Catch me being silly on

Tuesday, December 18, 2007
8:00 PM

@
Ochi's Lounge

Downstairs at Comix - 353 West 14th Street
New York, New York 10014

Chicks and Giggles

Our Holidaze! Show

featuring

Anne Altman (Mortified)
Katina Corrao (HBO)
Emily Epstein (Laugh Lounge)
Kimmy Gatewood (The Apple Sisters at The PIT)
Jenny Rubin (MAX)
Carla Rhodes (The Cutting Room)

Hosted by Carolyn Castiglia (VH1)

chicksandgiggles.com

What a Great Gift Idea

Drive someone insane with a crazy postcard from abroad!

Compliments of Sans Pantaloons!

Shorpy.com

"Great Falls, Montana. Return after 3 wks Vacation. June 27, 1964." 35 mm

a 1960 Chevrolet Parkwood
From Shorpy.com

What Type of Christmas Tree Topper Type of Family Are You?

1. Star
2. Angel

I come from a star family. I judge angel families as being trashy. Sorry if you come from an angel family and you are offended by my opinion, but it is the truth. Stars are the only way to go. Stars exist.

Thanks.

Real or Fake: What Kind of Christmas Tree Family Are You?

I witnessed a conversation between some newlywed friends of mine who were discussing the fake tree they ordered in the mail for their first Christmas together as a married couple. "Oh, you're a fake tree type of people?" I asked. I come from a real tree family. (Real tree or no tree, in my opinion. Unless it's small and super over the top tacky and fake like the aluminum ones they look at before settling on the lil' sad sack real tree on A Charlie Brown Christmas. Fake trees trying to look real are terrible. I hate fake plants. But I digress...)

"No, just this time, with the tiny New York City apartment. We'll be a real tree family," said the wife.

"What?" interjected the husband. "What about my parents' massive fake tree? You love that tree!"

"But we always had a real tree growing up," said the wife.

"Wow. I never realized it but we haven't discussed what type of family we're going to be. Real or fake?" asked the husband.

Apparently, after some discussion, they decided on becoming a real tree family.

Fantastic.

Happy Friday, Meowwwwwwwwww!

These Are Good

Dear Twats at the Nail Salon Yesterday

Thanks for ruining my salon experience with your selfish, entitled, idiotic drivel on your cellphones. I will not shed a tear--and I'm being sincere--if you get these tumors in your heads. Good luck and fuck off.

Love,

Anne

Holiday Mortification is Cathartic: Believe It

Come see me in:

Mortified

Thursday, December 13, 2007 ~8 p.m.

Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Anne Altman & Brandy Barber.

Yo, loggygaggers! Be warned: SHOW SELLS OUT!
Presale tickets: $10 (Day of show $12) Buy tickets here!

www.getmortified.com

@

The Tank

279 Church Street

New York, NY 10013

(Btn Franklin and White)

Share the Holiday Spirit by Donating Food to the Hungry

I don't mean hungry like your husband who is always finishing what's on your plate hungry, I'm talking about the real hungry. The countless companies I've worked for over the years have tossed countless pounds of food away after those gluttonous holiday parties. If your New York City office is having a party with buffet-style serving stations, check out City Harvest --they will pick up any unused food (40lbs or more)-without liability on the donor's part--and get it to those in need instead of it winding up in a dumpster. Call 917-351-8700 for more information.

Anne's Fashion Tips: Colors Which Don't Go Together, Yo

• Brown and Yellow


• Grey and Brown


• Pink and Red

I was inspired to post this because I saw a picutre of a broad online recently (it may have been Kanye West's late mother) with a brown and yellow suit on, which--as if I need to spell it out-- conjures up nothing but Poop and Pee. Grey and brown is tempting, I realize, because to most men (and most men are colorblind) it's close enough, but, no, it's not. Not even close to close enough (brown is warm, grey is cool, get over it).

Finally, pink and red, well, there's nothing more than I ever wanted to do as my six year old self but bound out of the house for gymnastics class in pink tights and a red leotard-- to my mother's chargrin, I might add. Something about it the combination I loved and still love, but I realize it's wrong. Perhaps what I love about it is that it's wrong. At least it conjures up visions of cotton candy and candied apples instead of the aforementioned.

As you were.

Doodle is High

Doodle, NYC, 12/07

Remember Thanksgiving 2007?

Behold the deep-fat frying of a turkey. No houses were burned down in the making of this meal (though the fryer was a little close to the car). The yellow stuff is butter, the sight of which may cause high cholesterol, so consider yourself warned.)

Thanksgiving 2007 ~ Boonton, New Jersey

Leaf It to Leafer

Thanksgiving 2007 ~ Boonton, NJ

We'll Be 'Avin' a Laff on December 16

For the series finale of Extras on HBO. Great New York Magazine article on Ricky here.

All good things come to an end. Boo!

Hats Off to Cha Cha and Her Crabby Hour

Tal Ronen, DeeAnne Gorman and Kevin Heald~12/7/07

DeeAnne entertained us with some holiday jazz accompanied by the smooth bass of Tal Ronen while Kevin and Cha Cha --of Cha Cha's House of Ill Repute--served up some holiday cheer--cocktails Partridge in a Pear Tree and Rudolph's Revenge in the beautiful setting of Cha Cha's Millinery. Enjoy our time vicariously through my photos below (click to enlarge the yuletide).

Get thyself to one of Cha Cha's infamous Crabby Hours and pick out a beautiful Cha Cha original! Check out DeeAnne's website to catch the sexy songstress around town!

Have I Told You Lately How Much I Love Mario Lanza?

Philadelphia-born and devastatingly handsome tenor Mario Lanza had a whirlwind ten-year career in Hollywood movies, radio, and the stage before his tragic death in Italy at age 38 of a pulmonary embolism--perhaps from complications from the "slimming cure" he was taking at a clinic. The "slimming cure" consisted of a patient being induced to sleep for days and days at a time, therefore not eating. Poor Mario--skyrocketing to fame as fast as he did is never an easy transition for anyone, and he abused food and booze to cope. He sang better when he was heavy, but Hollywood expected him to be thin, and that was a disastrous combination. Mario's amazing voice lives on in recordings which are immensely popular still. Bravo, Mario, may you be resting in peace.

Bad Breath is Rough For Everyone

And apparently can cost you your job! In my opinion, there's no cure for halitosis, save for eliminating the public's ability to smell. Mints just make a victim's breath smell like peppermint poo poo.

Yesterday, a dude from the mailroom-- who simply asked me where another colleagues office was-- unfortunately burned my eyebrows off with his breath. Time to pencil those suckers in for awhile, I guess. Now I can look crazy surprised, mad, or confused with no effort at all and no wear n' tear on the ol' forehead.

Just One Reason Why Greenberg is a Maniac: In 3 Parts

Enter one size 11.5 dirty Bass Weejun that Greenberg wears everyday and refuses to shine.




















Hole-y shit! Is that an enormous hole? Is that green chewing gum? Is that gross? And possibly terribly cold/wet when it hits the winter pavement?























According to Greenberg:

1 Avery #5260 label = Shoe is fixed.