Kitty Hug

Doodle thinks hugs are gay, but we're working on it.

Naomi Campbell Sentenced To Community Service

She's lucky the judge let her do community service over the other punishment option: Cleaning. The last time she was in court her lawyer was quoted as saying, "Cleaning is not Ms. Campbell's style."

You think?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a brilliant speaker, fearless American civil rights leader, and tireless peace activist. Then some idiot had to cut his life short.

Why do idiot assassins always kill geniuses? Why can't they kill other idiots? I'm all for idiot population control. When my sister was in elementary school, her chorus sang 1989's "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel (sure, it's a clever musical history lesson, but get that song stuck in your head once and you'll curse Mr. Joel forever) and some of the lyrics were changed to make it more "politically correct," but they just ended up cracking me up. Instead of "JFK blown away" it was "JFK shot one day" and instead of "AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz" the line was changed to "AIDS, and Bernie Goetz" so, you can see, big difference there. AIDS is ok to talk about but crack, well, crack is wack, yo.

What was my point here? Oh, yes. That good people get snuffed out sometimes, in the prime of their lives, and it's lame. MLK Jr. helped build a bridge over America's racial divide in ways we haven't seen since. Very slowly but surely we're inching our way to a "colorless" society. I'd say everything will be fine in about 1,000 years give or take. Here's a nice story about an African American couple who celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary (60!!!) at a Buffalo Sabres game-- on purpose! Hockey: It's not just for white males with mullets anymore.

The 1985 Bears Superbowl Shuffle: AWESOME!

Tom Brady, Will You Marry Me?

Patriots beat the Chargers, 24-21 in a serious friggin' nailbiter! Man, oh, man. And the Bears beat Hasselbeck's Seahawks, thankfully (I hate his stupid wife*) in another intense matchup earlier in the day which ended with a 49-yard field goal in OT by a rookie. I don't play football, I only watch it, and I'm goddamned exhausted! Now Tom Brady, my fiancee, will play Peyton Manning, aka "Can Head" next weekend. Tom, do your stuff like you always do. Remember, you're a 3x Superbowl Winner, and Can Head only dominates television commercials. Oh, and the Saints beat up the Eagles on Saturday night. Ahem.

*I stand corrected by Jen (Casual Slack) that it's his sister-in-law I hate. Well, close enough.

Some Guy Asks You Questions and You Answer Them

I'm a celebrity on And Some Guy's Blog. Chris has a new feature called "Some Guy Asks You Questions and You Answer Them" where he like, asks you questions and stuff, and I was like, his first interview. Check it! I like totally interview much better online than I do like in real life; if I didn't like know me better, I'd say I seem like a pretty likeable person, like.

Doodle Looks Down on You

But she looks down on me too, so don't sweat it. Doodle really thinks she's so great. You know, a she's got a huge superiority complex. At least one of us has one.

Doodle, 1/14/07

Hercules! Hercules!

You want to know what Doodle would look like with 15+ more pounds on her? Adorable! Check it. Watch the video; Hercules can jump!

Neat Art, Street Art

Check out more Little People -- a tiny street art project here!

Star in Your Own Levis Commercial

And promote corporate consumer crap for no pay! Come on, it's fun! My commercial is below. Some people don't realize that's my face pasted on the broad's body, because it's so much better than the original broad's face, but...whatevs.




*(if the video doesn't load, try a click here)

Did Someone Say "Lame Photo for Friday, Please?"

I hope I indulged your thirst for lameness adequately. TGIF!

I Don't Think It's a Coincidence

That the word enunciate is a difficult word to enunciate.

Kick Ass Broad of the Week: Marlene Dietrich

1901-1992

Marlene Dietrich kicked ass. A few reasons why I think so:

1. She drew power from her sexy androgynous wardrobe. Her philsophy: When you put on men's clothing, you also put on their privileges.
2. She refused to work for the (German) film industry under Hitler, refused the Fuhrer himself when a Nazi officer made sexual requests on his behalf, and became the first woman to earn the Medal of Freedom for 3 years of tireless work in the USO during WWII.
3. Marlene once declined an offer to meet Princess Margaret of England with "I'm a Queen. I should stay up for a Princess?"
   

I Love Dr. Bronner's Soap

Dr. Bronner's soap is great because it's made with organic oils which leave you fresh and clean and moisturized without all the heavy perfumes of phony ocean breezes and baloney Irish springs. Trust me, I've been to Ireland two times. There is no spring in the whole damn place that smells like Irish Spring. Or baloney.

Dr. Bronner's liquid soaps come in Peppermint, Lavender, Tea Tree Oil, Eucalyptus, Baby Mild, and my favorite, Almond. I know dudes tend to prefer bar soap, but liquid soap is way less messy. Dudes either aren't bothered by soap scum or don't clean their own showers. That said, Dr. Bronner's makes a bar version as well and it comes in those flavors as well as Lemon and Rose. I'd post a picture of the soap here, but Blogger is being a bugger right now.

Sure, the late Dr. Bronner was a bit of a strange dude, but that's why I like him. Here's his deal (which I pulled off the website):

Story

Dr. E.H. Bronner 1908 -1997
A Life Dedicated to God, Mankind and Spaceship Earth

Emanuel Bronner was a third generation master soap-maker from an orthodox Jewish family in Heilbron, Germany, where he was certified as a master soap-maker under the rigorous guild system of the time. He was the heir to the family's soap factory and business, but rebelled against his father and came to the United States in the late 1920's. After the Nazis nationalized the soap factory in 1938, his parents and most of his family died in the Holocaust.

Dr. Bronner initially worked as a consultant to various soap companies in the U.S. However, most such companies were converting to the complicated synthetic surfactant formulations that comprise modern body care products, so he struck out on his own in the late 40's. His ecological castile soaps and message of peace resonated powerfully with the counter-culture of the 60's and 70's, and he became an icon of the time.

Dr. Bronner's essential vision and philosophy were born out of the fate of his family and the Holocaust, and are emphatic that we are all children of the same divine source: people must realize that we are "All-One!," and that the prophets and spiritual giants of the world's various faith traditions all realized and said this. Dr. Bronner was also grounded in a powerful ecological consciousness, and the soaps were an extension of this simple, natural and 100% environment-friendly.

Dr. Bronner passed away peacefully on March 7, 1997, amidst family and friends. While we disagree with Dr. Bronner on some idiosyncrasies in his philosophy, we revere him for his efforts to unite humanity and his exhortations to lead a more responsible life in respect to our environment and each other. We continue to make with care and integrity the fine ecological soaps our customers have loved and lathered with for 50 years, and we now make our soaps with all certified organic oils, certified under the USDA’s National Organic Program. We share our time, profits and energy with our workers and worthwhile causes worldwide.

Love in All-One, The Bronner Family

Dr. Bronner's used to be carried only in specialty old-timey style drug stores but now you can find his stuff pretty much everywhere and of course, online here. The large bottle (what I buy) lasts a wicked long time. Happy suds-ing!

It's a Fact, Jack

I have seen two women with sporting surgical face lifts in the past two days. (One on Antiques Roadshow Hawaii, and the other in lobby of my office building).

Quiz:

A poorly done facelift that stretches the skin tautly across the skull like the hide of a gazelle on a drum is more unfortunate for:

1. The patient
2. The public

Ever Feel Like This At Work?

Me neither.

Jimmy and Doodle Say Woof/Meow To Your Statistic

Will Jimmy make you fat? Yes. Will Doodle make you fat? Yes. Is that bad news? Maybe.

But the good news is that other studies confirm that pets are therapeutic so...sure, you're fat, BUT, you have Jimmy/Doodle. Ergo, you are happy.

Let me write out the equation for you:

Jimmy/Doodle + You=Fat+happy.

A much better statistic than:

Jimmy x 0 + Doodle x 0 + You= Skinny + sad.

Get it?

Oh, good. I get it too, so I guess that means I'm a good math teacher, and that's amazing, because let me tell you something, I've always been terrible at math. Which is why I'm not a banker, which is why I'm broke as a joke on coke. So, in other words, I suck.

Let's have another look at Jimmy, shall we? Jimmy likes laces. Jimmy likes to shake hands.

Okay, okay, and we'll throw a picture of Doodle in here just so she doesn't get an additional complex to complicate my life:

Awwww. Thumbs up to pets and the inevitable obesity they bring. :) Buy velcro sneakers now, and prepare for the expansion.

Bubble Fudge

When I was a kid, Hubba Bubba made a gum called Bubble Fudge. It was gross. The end.

Nobody Can Argue With This Fact

Violence solves problems, particularly the punching variety of violence.

Warning: Contains violence, punching, and problem solving.

Get Ready To Be Blinded By the Cute

Jimmy? Meet the people.

People? Meet Jimmy!

Man, oh, man, oh, man! If you, like I, did not get a new puppy for Christmas like my friend Andrew did, then I feel sorry for you, and me, but we can take solace in these pictures.

But now I fear I looked too long at them.....I'm going blind...losing the vision from the cute...can't type well...gtta go now.f...sdfjoasidfapsdoifawf sfsl flskdfjso-w0iwe-rr................