There are some things that can't be said without sounding like a douche. My man
Dave Hill demonstrated this beautifully one night when he said to me, "I have three agents. Wow. I just sounded like an asshole." Boy, did he ever! God love him. But he
does have 3 agents. How's a man with three agents going to give you that information without sounding like a douche? Impossible. I one-upped him with "I have four agents." And of course, that was a lie because I have no agents, but you get the idea.
In the spirit of douche things to say, let's have a little fun:
- "I have three agents."
- "I'm friends with the band." (That one's mine. Said it this afternoon. Douche!)
- "My Rolex is scratched."
- "This is decidedly the nicest weather we've had since we got back from Switzerland."
Come on, join the fun! It's douche-tastic!
13 comments:
Anytime someone starts a sentence with "My Fiancee..." and ends it with something horribly boring just so they could say "My fiancee."
HA! ditto for it's douche sister line: "Well, when I got engaged..."
i love it. it recalls (as most things do) a seinfeld episode. elaine is talking to someone who doesn't know where her fiancee is, the "poor baby", and elaine responds: "maybe the dingo ate your baby."
how about when people younger than you or your age call you "hon" and "sweetheart"?
"I dented the roadster."
"The wine cellar is full."
"No, no Farnshworth! Not that crystal, the GOOD crystal. You must forgive him, he's from Tippany."
"I'm not one to brag, but..."
1) The Yankees are now a half game ahead of the Red Sox.
2) I thought you said you were on the pill.
3) Do you only have regular coffee?
Do you remember my Alpha Romeo?
(a real line of questioning I was subjected to 3x on one date)
anyone who ends every sentence with "you know what i'm saying?" but the "saying" part is pronounced sane. annoying.
whipcreamy, don't make fun of the way mom talks. have some respect, she's our mother, afterall. you know what i'm sane?
1. I could just KILL my gardener!
2. Is this the entire menu?
3. Be a doll and dial this number for me...
Beginning every awful request you make of your coworkers with "Guys..."
Where can I charge my Blackberry?
Ron Pearlman gave me his phone number!
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