Liar Liar Cock on Fire

Ha! This story is just too good. I'm not being partisan when I say that Ted Haggard's "I bought some meth because I was curious but threw it away" and "A gay man gave me a massage but I didn't bang him" is better than "I didn't inhale" and "I did not have sex with that woman."

Ted is happy that his accuser has failed a lie detector and has tailored his story appropriately. I will now poke huge meth smoke-sized ring holes in the story that he is sticking to:

1. A man curious about meth buys it? Hmm. I'm curious, but haven't bought it. Curious about what, the crumbling teeth or 12-hour boner it is said to produce?
2. A man who goes to the trouble of buying meth throws it away? Sure. Someone that curious, curious enough to buy it, does it.
3. A man on meth turns down gay sex? Puhhhhlease! ! ! Ask any man who has done meth if he's turned down sex from anyone or anything.

I wasn't being partisan before, but I am being partisan now when I say that the difference between Butt-Sex Pastor Ted and Titty-Crazed President Clinton is this: Bill wasn't running around pushing legislation and changes to the constitution that would outlaw sticking a cigar in someone's cooch or diddling broads outside of your marriage. Oh, Pastor Ted. If you had just lived and let lived, you'd be screwing your meth-soaked brains out right this very minute with dudes left and right. Now you spoiled it for yourself. The upside is that if you get to go to prison, gay sex doesn't have the same stigma in the big house as it does in the real world. That is if you don't get gay bashed by some of your angry former parishoners. Good luck!