Doodle in 2008

Doodle, in a rare scene of submission, snuggling entirely reluctantly, VT, 12/23/06

You all know by now that Doodle has officially thrown her witch hat in the ring for the 2008 Presidential Race. I got a chance to speak with her as she was on her way down from the top of the microwave to repose herself atop of the sofa and take a bath. Here is a an exclusive sneak peek at her plan to make America better for America:

• Iraq War: Lame. We're spending billions of dollars, supposedly killing the enemy on their soil --and putting our troops in harm's way-- when we could be spending next to nothing and killing billions of the enemy on our own soil? The War on Mice is a war we can win-- and have fun doing it. Bring home the troops now and let's start murdering. For reals.
• Stem Cell Research: Can we clone mice for the sheer purpose of murdering? Okay, then.
• Raising Minimum Wage: Look, if it's gonna get Anne a few more bucks to buy better shit for me to eat, then great. I'm all for it. And how about a bigger apartment or at least a paint job? This place is a dump.
• Trans-fats Ban: Gay.
• Gay Marriage: Whatevs. I've got bigger fish to fry and mice to murder.
• Organized Religion: The Bible's all "An eye for an eye" and I'm more of an "An eye for no eye" broad, so I can't say I buy into the hype.
• Running Mate: Too early to say. I was thinking of Anne, but she's very Black Sheep, you know? She says stupid shit all the time. Ruins stuff for herself with that mouth of hers. Probably not a smart move public relations-wise, you know, to be associated with that ass clown, but it does depend on the bribe.