Stripper Pole via the North Pole?

If you didn't buy your stripper pole for your pre-pubescent little girl for Christmas yet, too late! The pesky Family Values Police have taken it off the market. Now you're going to have to turn your kid into a self-loathing sex object the old fashioned way, with the time consuming (albeit tried and true) techniques of abuse, neglect, and beauty pageants. Ahh, well.