Thursday, June 28, 2007

NYC in 1993: Detachable Penis

The East Village has changed quite a bit since King Missile came out with their classic song, "Detachable Penis." Kiev is closed, and you don't see many things for sale on blankets anymore. Well, I haven't seen any penises lately, on blankets or anywhere, for that matter.

"Detachable Penis" by King Missile

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.It's detachable.
[background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks,
but I talked him down to seventeen.I
took it home, washed it off,and put it back on.
I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
[background voices continue to sing "detachable penis" fora while, then out]


Laura Suttell said...

I'm too lazy to find out how to email you directly, you brilliant person you, so here goes:

newbluebaby said...

You LOST it?!?!?!

Chris Battle said...

Blankets? Nahhh... nowadays you're better off looking on craigslist.

Johnny Yen said...

That song was featured in Beavis and Butthead. Back then, was like my second year teaching, and it amused me to no end to hear my seventh grade students singing the song.

For my part, "Jesus Was Cool" was my favorite King Missle song.