A Day in the Life of a Celebrity: I'm Just Like You!

It's halftime, so I'm off to Walgreen's to buy some tampons, pain killers, and cat food. Friends of mine have their staff make purchases like these, but I like to keep it real by buying them myself. 

In a hat and sunglasses, of course.

My big gripe with the new Walgreen's is that they don't sell beer or my favorite soap, Dr. Bronner's. I used to be able to go to the weird Mom & Pop Value Pharmacy across the street for the soap at least, but Walgreen's snuffed them out within 6 months. I knew it would happen. That place was treading water the past few years, and business surely wasn't helped by their bitchy night manager with whom I got into a fight with over their piece of shit, self-serve, 5 cent copier in the back. He heard me open the paper drawer and rushed over with a nasty "Do you need any help?" which wasn't an offer of help and only meant, "You're breaking it, stop opening the drawers and stuff" and then basically accused me of stealing paper and lying about how many copies I made as I checked out. I said something like, "Are you serious? You can't talk to me like that, dude. I'm the only customer in this place (I was), and I spend $50 a week in here (I didn't), and you're lucky I don't come in here just to take a dump on this machine, because I'll be taking my business elsewhere, you prick!" just as a really hot guy walked in the door. 

I went back on my promise to him, myself, and the hot guy a few weeks later. In a hat and glasses. I figured as long as the bitchy night manager didn't recognize me, for all he knew, I did take my business elsewhere. 

Ah, well. Thanks to another big chain store, no more 5 cent copies or Dr. Bronner's. Maybe I'll fill out one of those comment cards at Walgreen's and tell them how they're doing. I'll mention that I'd appreciate it if they carried a nice selection of beer and my favorite soap. 

Or maybe I'll have my staff do that part. That's paperwork. I hate paperwork.