Years ago, I was busy cleaning my apartment for a big house party I was having, when my boyfriend called me.
Him: What are you doing? Why are you out of breath?
Me: What, I'm cleaning the house!
Him: Why?
Me: Because I'm having a party tonight, jackass!
Him: Annie? When you have a party, you only clean once. The next day.
Me: Yeah, but you don't wash your hands after you take a poop. So, we're really different people, aren't we?
Long story short, somebody else married him. But that's ok, because now that problem is her problem. Of course, they're loaded and have houses and cars and boats and stuff, but whatevs. I'm sorry, but not washing your hands after you use the restroom? That's just bad parenting. His mother fucked up. Parents need to absolutely bloody beat the idea of thank you notes and a full soapy rinsy wash of the hands after a visit to the potty into their kids' brains. I went to Montessori School. We learned this kind of common sense. We don't marry below our class.
But what if you happen to catch your boss leaving the ladies room without washing her hands?
Do you talk shit about her all day
and / or
Think less of her, like she's a little dirty?
Of course you do!
But that's because you're a handwasher!
Let's say that youre not. Are you like, "Yeah! High five! This broad doesn't believe in cleanliness either! Cool! I knew I liked this broad! Her secret's safe with me, and mine is safe with hers! Let's start touchin' stuff and spread this shit! High five!"
12 comments:
There is a great quote from the boxing promoter Don King. He went to shake a man's hand after visiting the urinal. (The other man hesitated)
"Please ... I wash my hand before I touch my penis"
We run into this at work all the time, not the high fiving but the he didn't wash his hands gross out. Thanks for making me shudder and think of work all on my own time.
Anne, fab post.
At my newspaper job (news side, of course) someone put up a sign in the Ladies' bathroom a few years back, on a huge mirror you must walk by to exit, "PLEASE! WASH YOUR HANDS!"
I've never forgotten that (and wondered about the "PLEASE" 'cause if you're going to make a demand, why be nice about it?, nor have I ever forgotten to wash my hands before leaving any bathroom.
PM, that is a classic quote, even if it's not true...
Anne, i am drawn to your blog. You express yourself so addictively for/to me!
Are you a Piscean? You must be...
I was in the rest room with our accountant and she left the stall and exited the bathroom without a second glance at the washbasins. And YES I DID TALK ABOUT HER!!
I take note of who washes her hands before leaving the bathroom.
Scary thing is, an M.D, here does the "fake wash" where she turns the water on, and runs each had through the water once, then leaves.
That's just scary. We are not a medical facility, but she should know better.
Wait... are you saying we're supposed to wash our hands every time??? With soap, too?? (I did not attend Montessori.)
I had no idea. GOD! I'm the worst Wendy's manager ever!!!!
I attended shitty public school and I know your supposed to wash your hands..common sense does span the classes I think..don't quote me on it however.
This post just made me uncomfortable..about touching anyones hands today..thanks anne..ya freak :p
I NEVER wash my hands after eating Nilla Waffers.
no reason to wash them before you eat them damn nillas either, cause i won't be sharing that box with you
ACKkkkkkk! that is my BIGGEST peeve in the WORLD!!! WTF is wrong with people who don't wash their hands. Fucking pigs!!!
pigs are cleaner, actually.
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