I Need Eight Thousand Dollars

And now I need 8 thousand and NINE dollars, because I just found out that some douche threw my lunch away from the office pantry refrigerator on the 41st floor. Or, stole it. Either way, I wish total ass blow on that person, because there is no excuse that I will accept for this crime. So read up, thief: I make less money than you, AND, my lunch wasn't fouling up the fridge like that opened can of clam sauce that I threw away last year at another firm. Plus, why are you going around dealing with someone's salad. It's not like it was a yogurt or a jello snack pack, something worth stealing. So, you're a jerk. Enjoy your ass blow. And please, if you're a lady thief, I do hope you work on another floor, because if you're the same broad who messes up the john, I'm going to be really bummed. It just might push me to write something terrible about you on this very public blog that millions of people read everyday, and you'll never steal lunch or pee on the seat in this town again, Missy Pissy, I promise you that much.

And incidentally ,since you're so into the fridge contents, I thought you mightlike to know that the container in the fridge that says Breast Milk? It's full of sweet Hazelnut Coffeemate. Oh, and that bottle of Hazelnut Coffeemate in there? The one you've been sneaking pours out of for your morning coffee everyday? It's actually Half n' Half. Half sweet Hazelnut Coffeemate n' half breast milk. Hope you liked it.