Friday, May 08, 2009

30 Days for 30 Minutes Challenge: Today's Results

I get an F for yesterday, no exercise to speak of. Do Kegels count?

It doesn't matter how much or how little you use it; you gotta keep your stuff tight, kids! Question: Is there such a thing as Kegels for the face? Because truthfully, one of my biggest, deepest, darkest fears about getting old isn't getting wrinkles: It's getting "Old Person Mouth." Otherwise known as "Old Man Mouth" or "Old Lady Mouth." Or the "Bug Zapper." I see it in the office, I see it on the subway, I see it on Broadway, and it's not a pretty sight; Old Person Mouth is downright disturbing. And if you're my friend, the very moment you see me shuffling around going about my business catching flies with my droopy lax jaw and my mouth agape, you will either:

1) Fund a small, non-invasive, cosmetic procedure that will fix my problem (which is, when you think about it, your problem actually, because you're the one who has to look at me).

2) Insist I'm only seen in public wearing a stylish hat/creepy bonnet/helmet with chinstrap

3) Drag me out into the street and shoot me right in ye olde wide-opene piehole.

Thank you all for your cooperation in advance.

Tonight, we Kegel AND snowboard!

3 comments:

Blue Beak said...

I had to google Kegels. I thought they were some kind of pastry.

anne altman said...

hotlinks provided!

Del-V said...

I think droopy face is genetic. Sorry.