All I Know is That Right Now the Worst Real Housewife of Orange County is Sayin' to Herself...

...I'm so glad I'm not a Real Housewife of New Jersey. 

Or am I?

All I'm Sayin' Is: Plane Crashes and Beheadin' Husbands Give Buffalo a Bad Name

The term crazy is tossed about so much that what is indeed technically, text book, clinically, court-of-law "crazy" and what the shades of grey are can be debated until the cows come home.

But the person who cuts another person's head off? 

Someone like Mr. Mo Hassan, for example, from Orchard Park, New York? Who got a little pissy doodles at his wife for filing for divorce so he cut her head off?

Well, that head-cutting off person (usually a dude: testosterone! now with 100% more rage!) is absolutely, undoubtedly, resolutely, completely, positively, honestly, totally, seriously, irreversibly, bat-shit, out of their minds, mother fuckin', cryin' out loud, goddamned, doggone, crazy.

As is the American tourist who visits the M&M store or the Olive Garden in Times Square for a reason other than needing to take an urgent, messy dump. 

Crazy people? They walk among us.

We just never know when they're going to cut our heads off.

All I'm Sayin' Is

If you're eyeballin' my accessories tryin' to discern if they're cheap, I can save you the work and assure you that they are. And you, sister, need to get a life. And some cheap accessories. I recommend Gem Story where everything is $2.99!

All I'm Sayin' Is

If you're wearing a brown shirt and khaki pants you basically look like a doody.

All I'm Sayin' Is

That I'd like to be a "motivational speaker type person" who is really just an average type person who becomes a millionaire type person by profiting off of other peoples' insecurities and whatnot and rarely, if ever, takes their own crappy advice and shit.

Like this guy, Joel Osteen? You just know he's a douche.

I want to be him.

All I'm Sayin' Is: Padma Lakshmi

All I'm sayin' is that the tall, lithe and beautiful snob di cucina Padma Lakshmi may happen to be known "internationally as an actress, food expert, model, award-winning writer" with "a new cookbook" and the host of Bravo's successful series "Top Chef," but, she has clod-hopping flipper planks the size of surfboards which are tipped by the longest-ass (and grippy) sloth toes that--at the very sight of them--make anyone's regular, cute toes curl to the point of paralysis. Nevermind the fact that they're less equipped for walking and more equipped for flingin' poo at zoo visitors.

So, there's that. It's all I'm sayin'.

As you were.