Atkins Today: You Comin'?

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I sit next to this delightful woman at my new job, and she cracks me up all day long. I'll call her Stella. On my first day here, I noticed a lot of grapefruits and limes and lemons on her desk. I asked her what the deal was. She leaned in to me, close to the partition that separates our cubes, opened her eyes widely, looked on either side of her to see if anyone could hear her and whispered, "Well, citrus is a natural fat burner. And between you and me, I'm a bit chunky."

Last week, Stella immediately greeted me with not a "Hello" or a "Good morning" but a "Hey. Atkins Diet on Monday. (points to me) You comin'?"

"I'll be there," I sighed. I have been inhaling junk food for months with abandon. This weekend I noticed to my chagrin that even my ski pants were too small, and I feared suffocation from it's the too-tight waistband layered over the other too-tight waistband of my thermals. I did not die, but there was significant bruising.

After Stella got me on board, she pointed to the other individuals in the office whom she felt could pinch an inch with the same question. "Atkins on Monday. (point) You comin'?" Needless to say, I repeated the phrase "Atkins on Monday. You comin'?" at everyone at every chance all weekend in Vermont. This morning Doodle got the "Atkins/You Comin'?" (Doodle's always on Atkins) and when I saw Stella this morning, I said to her, "Atkins today; you comin'?" Stella replied, "Please. I came." Hilarious.

So, two weeks, kids. We're struggling a little bit already. At this time, I'm choking down a Caesar Salad with chicken and no croutons, the first in 21 I'm about to ingest during our quest. Wish us luck. We will officially be bringing sexy back. In about two weeks, of course. So, hurry up and wait.