NYC Subway Sports: Extreme Nose Picking

NYC Subway, N train to Astoria ~ 3/4/07

Booger Wiper on the downtown 5 train gave Booger Eater from the uptown E train a run for his money today, folks. Believe it. Sure, Booger Eater was rough, but the E train is wider and usually empty whenever I have to take it. With Booger Wiper, though, well, I had the pleasure of a rush-hour front row seat to the match which was played vigorously between his finger and his boogers. I had no escape.

Here's the play-by-play of the match in my mind as I watched the Booger Wiper, a 20 year old, 6 ft & 160 lb hipster with iPod. I think this guy may come home with the Olympic Gold:

Wow, that guy is really digging in his nose. Could he really be picking it like that? In public? My God. I need to know. I need to know if he is picking it. Is he picking it? I don't want to know necessarily, but I want to know that my hunch is correct, you know? It's about being right, really...isn't it?

pause

Ok, I'm looking again. My goodness, yes, he really is picking his nose. Eeew! No shame! Gross! What's he gonna do with it now? Oh, he's rolling it gently betwixt his fingers? Oh, good God, now what? Now what? Eat it? Stick it on the pole? Wipe it on his pants! Eeeew he wiped it on his pants! His khaki corduroy hipster pants, just on the bottom inside of the left thigh, right close to the seat! Why that place? I can't believe that kid just wiped a booger on his pants!

pause

What's he doing now, I wonder? Need to look. Oh no... He's picking again!?! MY GOD! Now, what if he gets off before I do? He's gonna touch this bar! And what if the booger falls off of his pant leg and sticks to my hem?! Ahhh! Now I have to watch him simply for my own safety! Oh good grief, I can't. I can't look at him. Oh, gross. This is...this is so gross. Why did I look? I mean, honestly, why did I look?! I know myself. I know better. Ok, I'm not looking. I'm looking away...I am now looking away...But what if a booger is falling? OH GOD! Fulton Street? THIS IS MY STOP! THANK YOU, JESUS!