Saturday, April 05, 2008

Poverty Will Make This Weight Loss Goal Easier To Achieve

Wow. Well, this recent trip to the accountant went horribly, didn't it? Holy shyte. Here I go hopping and skipping to Queens only to find that instead of getting a tasty refund, I owe hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars. SURPRISE! This is cute. No, really. Super cute.

There is an upside to this news, however: This most recent reminder of my state of pennilessness and inability to make my way in this world coincides perfectly with my new commitment to fitness and fat burning. The fitness will replace any socializing I may be tempted to do: "Hey, Anne, want to meet up for drinks tonight?"

"Oh, I wish I could. But I'm busy tonight running up and down the stairs of my apartment building. Thanks, though!"

The fat burning will come from a steady diet of sugar-free bubble gum in which I chew my face off and the occasional bowl of oatmeal I carefully measure out for myself as a reward. Chin up, Food Stamp Fatty!

Yay! Just in time for the recession!

Who wants to buy a cat? Nobody? Ok. Hey, I don't really need electricity, do I? Who needs lights? Lights are for losers, man. Lights: for the weak!

Check out my new Bible: Living on a Dime.

4 comments:

Creepy said...

Have Doodle only flush the toilet every other time she uses it.

Unknown said...

You can "borrow" a stationary bike, attach a charger and used car battery to it and light one bulb to read your books with. Fitness in body and mind!

Just Dave said...

The cool thing is you can get oatmeal and noodles for free at work. Not necessarily together.

whipcreamy said...

are the noodles of ramen nature? ramen noodles=yummy=fatty.