Someone Went to the US Open Golf Tournament at Bethpage Long Island Today

And that someone was me. It was a long, interesting, challenging, muddy, fun, exhausting day on one hour's sleep (in a bed which had to be changed rapidly because somebody else took a big messy dump on it) but so I'm glad I powered on and went.  

But, Doodle? If for some reason, I wanted someone to take a dump in my bed? I'd probably just do it myself, yeah? Thanks. 

Since you're obviously mad at me that I skimped on the quality of your new cat food because of Recession '09, I made sure to bring home some Fancy Feast for you and some Miller Light for me. You better have behaved yourself while I was out considering the fact I was given the opportunity to watch for free--not $150--50K rich white men in baseball hats who are young/thin/old/bloated watch 80 other men play golf for 12.5 hours--because I didn't shut that bedroom door because I trust you wouldn't have another dump in you to take. On my bed.