Hot Sailor, 5/25/2006 At the insistence of one of your friends who is a boy who likes boys, you make a sailor's acquaintance (via the "My friend thinks you're cute!" route a la 6th Grade) who has a wispy little mustache and you get your picture taken with him...
It's a romantic notion and all, but the reality is quite different, at least it was in my case. This looks like a lovely photo at a glance. However, I've edited it because of my vanity. And because I love you, dear readers, and nobody can bust my balls better than I can bust them, here is what the full-on, unedited photo with the sailor looks like.
Prepare yourselves, as it's so totally and completely awkward, you might suck some air through your teeth and go "Oohhh, yeah, awkward" out loud and feel a little sorry for me. Go ahead, I don't mind.
I'm serious.
Features worth dissecting:
- My body language. Sailor grabbing tight, prepared to defend our country on a moment's notice and I'm all "BOYS HAVE COOTIES!"
- Unflattering shot of my arm which sent me directly to the gym this morning. Who wants a bite of that arm? Feeds 4. Note to self: That shirt gets the back 9.
- Let's talk about the uncomfortable smile. I see my mother's face.
- What's that dangling from my right hip? That's my work I.D., folks, which reveals my obvious and unshakeable commitment to my temp job. Without it, I have no identity.
- Baseball on the t.v. which helped break the ice when I asked the sailor, "Do you like baseball?" I think he replied "I like pizza and you smell good" but I can't be sure, it all happened so fast.
Discuss.
8 comments:
Mmmmmmm arm. Now I'm starvin!
lol - was going to point out the baseball in the background. Well, i think the pix cute anyway. And I also have a work badge that I can't get anywhere w/o it. Fuckers have me trapped.
I don't even want to think about pizza.
uhh hello??? I'm bored here. Can you please post to entertain me. :P
punch drunk love...
It looks a little like Whispy Moustache is either preparing to kidnap you, or holding you as collaterol so the police don't shoot.
Good thing for photoshop. You should have added a sunset into the background.
this is what i'm talking about anne: there you are with a perfectly respectable man who would probably marry you and cheat on you whenever possible, but nooooooo, you have to look all "boys have cooties and i don't want them." picky picky picky.
picky and doomed. but still gorgeous. RIGHT?
WHAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA
WHAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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