Thursday, January 25, 2007

Best Bowling Team Names I've Ever Heard

I’ve only heard of a few bowling team names in my life, and some have stuck with me. They are as follows:

Two Balls (2 broads and 1 dude)
Two Shits and A Rat’s Ass (3 dudes)
Come from Behind (3 broads)

Oh, bowling. There seems to be a resurgence in it's popularity lately. In the fifties it was the thing, and in the 80's it was on it's death bed. Hello, video games, smell ya later, bowling. I used to work at my college's bowling alley located in the basement of the old student union which was considered a state-of-the-art facility in the 1960's. When my Dad drove me back to school after Christmas break one year, I was greeted with the shocking sight of the entire bowling alley plonked into the dumpster behind the building. The shoes, the lockers, the balls, the hand dryers, seats, the lanes themselves. All of it tossed--buh bye! Does this mean I'm out of a job, man? My father hauled several pieces of the lanes back home with him to Massachusetts and the back bumper of the Taurus station wagon sagged an inch from the highway's concrete. "These things are solid oak!" He's had a bunch of chopping blocks made for friends since. Literal pieces of bowling history.

The majority of the country’s bowling alleys are what I call “Big Ball Bowling” which most people simply recognize as bowling. But in New England, we don’t roll that way with those wicked big balls. We’ve got what is known as Candlepin Bowling, also known as Duck Pin Bowling. Why? I have no idea. But the pins are slim and the balls are softball-sized, you get three chances per turn not two, and you have to whip it down the lane for speed. You don’t get that occasional strike from the gravity of the ball alone, it’s gotta be a power hurl every time.

All of the area’s alleys (what’s left of them) are Candlepin, with only a few lanes dedicated to Big Ball Bowling for those out-of-towners. My great grandmother was seriously hooked on Bowling for Dollars’ local edition called “Candlepins for Cash,” hosted by Red Sox’s own Rico Petrocelli. So it’s pretty much a "Duh" why loved that show.

I suck at bowling. You may remember my 8th birthday party, which was held at the alley behind the McDonald’s in Salem. The party favors were from the "five and dime," also in Salem. Neither the bowling alley nor the five and dime store remains standing. I am also on my last breath. Good. Bye. Anyone who can name the former alley and former store gets a Hoodsie.

14 comments:

Valerie said...

I've done the candle bowling or whatever it's called. In Denver, just this past summer. Fun but I like my finger holes in my balls. ;)

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

I big-ball bowled on a team called the Alley Cats. Lame, no?

Just Dave said...

I grew up in a bowling alley in Houston, Texas. Big-ball bowling is better known as kingpins. Back then, they had these big travling leagues that went around the country, showing off. I used to keep score for them (no such thing as automatic scorekeepers) and they would pay me off in free burgers and cokes and the bowling alley would give me one free game for each one I scored. Pretty heady for a kid of 11-12. I can still watch people bowl and keep the score of up to three at a time in my head.

I tried the candlepins in Baltimore and it was fun but it did not seem like real bowling.

anne altman said...

it's more like skeeball.

but it takes more skill, i'm told...

whipcreamy said...

oh by the way...dad's bowling team was called two balls. two chicks, ONE dude.

candlepin is harder. i've tried both. kingpin or tenpin has better bowling alleys. you can drink in kingpin alleys, but not in candle pin.

anne altman said...

right, whip, that's what i meant.

newbluebaby said...

There goes Anne, spreading her lies again.

Del-V said...

They have duckpin bowling in Baltimore but once you get into the burbs it's big ball bowling.

When I was a kid the bowling alley had one of those cool hockey games that was like hockey fooseball. I was more into that than bowling.

anne altman said...

duck pin bowling party in baltimore this spring. who's in?

Just Dave said...

There has never been a recorded perfect 300 game in either candlepin or duckpin so it must be harder, for sure.

anne altman said...

ya, dave. WICKED HAHDAH!

Just Dave said...

I'm in on the pahty in Ballama. Just gimme the wheah and when.

Jon said...

Candlepin is wicked hard. I used to hit the Fairway Lanes all the time as a kid.

I'm in for the ducks in Bawl'mer.
Hoodsies too.

Elizabeth said...

bmore also has boche ball outside in little italy. i don't know that a bunch of blogger friends could hone in on generations of baltimore italians but we could try...