Converting to Islam: What's in it for Me?

Osama bin Laden, everybody's favorite terrorist, urges Americans to convert to Islam. After much research, I haven't found a benefit to my personal conversion to the religion Islam other than the fact that I was terrifically bloated this week. Being allowed to wear a burka --or similar distracting head-scarvery--to work (because of my religious beliefs) would have been a nice reprieve from the confining outfit of Business Casual for females I was forced to squeeze myself into. Plus, you probably don't have to iron that burka shit (because of your religious beliefs) and that's gotta shave fifteen minutes or two off of your morning routine, and if you're always late because you belong to the city and you belong to the night, then that's gonna help you there) Other than that, the no-bacon eating, stay-at-home, husband-says-all, no gambling, no drinking, no whatevers, type of dilly-o really ain't gonna work for me. Fo' shizzle. My nizzle.