Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Hi, My Name is Anne Altman and I...


Just bawled my eyes out during the last few scenes of Planes, Trains, & Automobiles.



Man, that cry just came out of nowhere. This movie does it to me every time. That poor John Candy, lumbering around in that big blue puffy coat, sleeping in the charred car with the snow falling on him? His wife Marie? Died years ago. That sad sack curtain ring salesman, sitting in the bus station all my himself and Steve Martin comes back in to get him? Man, a good cry can really sneak up on you. Netflix that shit or catch it on t.v. if you haven't seen it in awhile, kids. It's a good one.

You know what else makes me cry? And it's not a good cry? Commuting with crowds can make me cry. On the inside, mainly. I consider myself to be a Type B personality, but sometimes I have a low tolerance for shit and bug out. I'm accutely aware of stuff, thus quite sensitive. And I haven't had to take the subway everyday in awhile because my work over the past few years has been within walking distance of my apartment. But these days? The subway is the only decent way to get to work, and I'm headed at rush hour down to Wall Street with a million of my closest friends. People I don't know, all smushed up next to me, stepping on my toes, and breathing their gross morning breath in my face, and...well, the adjustment to the sardine-packed express trains has been more challenging than I had expected it to be. People continue to bum me out. Here's a conversation I wanted to have with someone I had the misfortune of commuting with this evening:


What I wanted to say:


"Hey, how's the gum? It sounds like you really like it. Smells good. Bubble gum flavor? Yeah, I could tell. Mmmm. So, you like it? The gum? You must really love it. Oh you do? I knew you did! Oh, why do I ask? Who the fuck am I? Well, no need to be so rude, it's just that it sounds like you're CHEWING THE FUCK OUT OF IT, is all, and you're TOTALLY GETTING INTO IT WITH THE NOISES AND SUCH and the way you're biting it and smacking it and whipping your head around back and forth like...like... LIKE A GOLDFISH, A GOLDFISH CHOMPING IT'S HEAD OFF ON A PIECE OF FUCKING BUBBLE GUM, and well, I'm curious...How do you know when you're done?"

What I said:


Nothing. I said it with my eyes. My deadly evil eyes. Deliberate and excessive, the looks I shot her said all that and more. Including (but not limited to) "Who raised you, you dirty urchin? Stop it at once! You'll break your jaw! You disgust me! I'm going to kill you!"


So yeah, that's a different kind of cry. I got off a stop early to get away from that skank. I've got problems. So? I say she's got problems. Whatevs.

2 comments:

Fargrave said...

Planes, trains and automobiles...I love that movie. I miss John Candy. Yes, sometimes a good cry can sneak up on you. The last time was at the end of a week with Jack Bauer. I watched the entire season 3 on DVD over a period of days and I was so exhausted for him. At the end, things are finally settled. Jack has saved everyone. In the the last seconds of the season he breaks down in his truck , gets a phone call that they need him again, wipes his tears and heads off. Heartbreaking. Damn you Jack Bauer!

Matt Sears said...

I've had a few (justified) freak-outs ala Steve Martin and the rental car lady in my time. Always leaves me feeling hollow and detestable.
Inevitably when I'm pushed to telling somebody off, I think of this movie.